im like that movie w. ryan reynolds, no ones ever going to date me unless they're forced to marry me.
he told me my vagina needed a tic tac
Unless you watched your mom's very literal rendition of "I touch myself" while she was wearing a bikini, your vacation wasn't as bad as mine.
The good news is the house is clean, the bad news is someone redecorated the bonus room by spray painting "free willy" on the wall in honor of the girl who passed out in there last night.
Did strip banana grams actually happen last night
Who is Katie and why do we have her birthday cake?
After the party last night, I dreamt I continued drinking... Apparently my subconscious didn't think I'd had enough...
Noo.... Like in the attic of a crack house with nitrous and fat chicks weird....
Want to go swimsuit shopping? First one who cries buys ice cream.
I had to dig my own trench to puke in at the resort. That much fun.
I went to the bar without a bra on pretty sure you can go to Taco Bell drive thru with no pants
I threw up in a flower pot outside the bar last night and have a date tonight....I think I missed something
who gets drunk at chipotle by noon and then gets kicked out? this chick.
I'm praying to the gods of sex we both get laid this weekend. Amen. Love you
Drunk. Send nudes. Just curious.
Randomize
