She thinks she's a fairy, dude. A real fucking fairy with wings and shit.
he broke up with her mid blow job, and somehow convinced her to finish. I want his life
thank you for reminding me that I stumbled into a public place drunk at 9am wearing a chicks pants.
After i black out, be a good friend and point me to the direction of a girl with daddy issues, any girl would do just fine
Dude. There's gotta be an article in Cosmo about it cause I've had three different girls tongue tickle my brownie this month.
FYI: telling a guy his dick is more impressive than you remembered it - they don't take it as a compliment.
At one point he was so drunk he was carrying around a bottle of patron drinking out of it and falling everywhere and every time he spilled it he would scream "THERE GOES TWENTY DOLLARS."
Its funny that for once I get home and I'm just as high as my parents are.
Literally just had a girl put her street name into my phone. Yeah.
I'm slowly getting to where I don't hate people anymore.
Never mind. Some random dude just walked past me and asked if I was having fun. I snarled at him. I might still kinda hate people.
Is offering to blow your HR rep considered an ethics violation?
I woke up this morning fully clothed with a dart in my pocket
Banged a guy with 2 broken arms once. Top that
I learned tonight while in another country that no matter the nationality, men are disappointing in bed
Slowly dying because of my period and my phone is mocking me because I have 69% battery
Randomize
