I'm at a Mexican Walmart. Wish you were here.
I shampoo & condition my pubes, sometimes i wish my face was closer so i could rub against it cause it feels like plush
Boobs. All I remember is boobs.
Is it weird I want to fuck the cartoon chick from e-surance??
we were canoeing in the lake and i asked if he was too drunk for this, and he said "don't worry about it, i'm half native american"
I kinda remember trying to staple rolls of toilet paper to make a pillow, but it's blank after that.
I apologize for getting really drunk, taking off my shirt, bitching someone out, crying, and breaking something at your party next weekend...
I made him a flow chart of what to do if I got arrested.
She said, I've heard about you, from girls you wouldn't even be interested in. What?
he would snap chat his dick as like Harry Potter
Already drunk, almost got in a fight with a bunch of irish chicks. And another with canadians. On my way to get a tattoo. I plan to regret this trip.
I wanted to have a threesome but they’re TOO HETERO
MASS TEXT: Next weekend I will be in town for St. Patty's day. There will be a bonfire and liqour olympics. We will have booze but in order to participate it is byob. Upon arrival everyone will be asked to sign a waiver. I am not responsible for liver failure, death, loss of clothing or memory, bites, scratches, hickies, pregnancies, or any other for of injury you may obtain while participating. There will be ridiculous amounts of green glitter, be prepared to puke it up. ALSO WEAR SOMETHING GREEN OR YOU WILL BE PENALIZED!! AUTOMATIC 5 SHOTS. HAPPY GAMING!!!
You started singing Baby Shark, screamed you have no idea how it goes, then somehow turned the beat into Bohemian Rhapsody
The only good thing about 2020 is that the hot flight attendant neighbors are using my pool a lot. If i can keep them from wandering into my Zoom meeting with my boss I’m golden
Randomize
