i have a bunch of little boys around me trying to hit on me
dont be selfish, show some boob
my mind is a poorly written porno when i'm drunk.
Only you could be admitted to the ER and walk out with a nurse's phone number. I wish I was gay
I don't know how I'm gonna do that tomorrow. I feel like I was hit by the motorhome. LOL I WAS.
Would it be sharing too much to tell you that my nipples hurt so much that I couldn't comfortably go down the stairs?
You peed on someone's house because they had a Wisconsin flag.
I hope it's the birth control, otherwise I'm dying
Unlike bears, this weekend is not the #1 threat to America. It is, however, the #1 threat to my liver
Walk of shame dressed as a Christmas tree, it happened. Ho ho ho bitches
Question: what's the protocol for seeing your mistress walking alongside her clueless boyfriend? If you could answer this ten minutes ago, that'd be great.
I puked so hard this morning that I peed my pants. I'm a gem.
Do you sleep with the same women I've already slept with on purpose?
SO EXCITED ABOUT STRING CHEESE RIGHT NOW
Thank god for Taco Bell keeping you out of jail
Mike's letting gay guys do body shots off him again.
My boyfriend, ladies and gentlemen.
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