Those 2 guys from the sonic commercial will be virgins for life.
It's impossible to flirt with the bank tellers because they see how broke I am.
Fucking Canada. At least when they wake up tomorrow they're still in Canada
so I'm in athletic shorts, a suit jacket and I'm still drunk at 6:30am at the last leg of relay for life
Just interrupted a freshman tour to ask where the sexual health center is. Figured I'd just give us all what we were really looking for.
Just hooked up with the fireman who put out the quesadilla fiasco last tuesday.
The main two things I remember from last night is you "spanking Katey into reality" and watching her barf in terror.
Ugh. my cast still smells like fermenting hot tub water and bad decisions.
I never knew so many sexual things could be done while wearing footie pajamas
His buddy came running in the room after we had sex, and started "sponging" the sweat off my forehead with his sport wristband.
WE HAVE WINE WHERE ARE YOU GUYS WE ARE BY THE GIANT EAGLE
I'm still waiting for God to smite you for impersonating a decent human being.
Ehh, the third backed out. Two still isn't bad. Who gets a bootycall to pick them up from a bootycall's house anyways? Only me.
All i remember from last night was that i was sitting on the toilet for a good hour eating a philly cheesesteak hotpocket... then i woke up... in my bed.
The room got awkwardly silent right as i yelled "leave him alone! I know plenty of straight guys who like to suck dick!"
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