My penis is the apex of life and all other references. Lookin for a cheap vagina at this point. And cheap Korean BBQ
dude facebook disabled my account because im registered under a false identity. now in order to get it back, i have to prove that it's really my name. i sent them an email and had to sign it "Cordially, Lloyd Pancakes"
So...AT&T finally added picture messaging for iPhone...bring on the tits!!!
she said her black crocs were her 'dress up crocs'
I just accidentally stumbled into an AA meeting...I think its a sign
I should do something nice for her. Like sign her up for "What Not To Wear."
Well, I'm eating cake, watching wedding videos of people I don't know, and crying. Clearly I'm a vision of mental health today
We found them in a dumpster making out trying to get their privacy
Some guy offered you 100 bucks last night to suck your toes. I had to drag you away while you were yelling at me, "Stop money cock blocking me!"
That's just where I'm at in my life.
There is someone out there for you right now. And we will find her. Or him. Her. Her, we'll start with tits.
Do you think it would be a margarita if you just out tequila in a sonic slush?
I think the fact that I stole someone's mail and broke my big toe means that I should consider taking some time away from vodka
Bacardi 151 is like a past nightmare I'm still curious about
Word to the wise, never look up your hot young doctors on Facebook before you're discharged. You will find things and no longer be able to take them seriously.
Not gonna make it. His stripper neighbors are playing a Super Bowl drinking game that involves removing my clothes
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