i want you now
you need to stop dating girls with the same name as your mother...or stop drinking so much...I don't want to see this
You told him your wedding ring was part of your costume. not okay!!
right before he came he said "im ganna fill your stocking" nothing like holiday spirit!!
Sorry I didn't wanna double team his sister. Having whiskey dick and watching you get laid didn't sound appealing
I'm really starting to miss his dick. Like so much I'm actually tempted to try and work things out with him again.
i woke up wearing her shoes. this night isn't going on my highlight reel
I began mixing captain Morgan and jack daniels and called it captain jack sparrow. I puked. a lot.
I just sent you a multitude of sexual pictures...and you responded with a Charles Dickens Quote.
I walk in and my mom has a Christian workout program playing. It's like, gospel music with an "electronic" beat to go with it. And then they try to save your soul at the end. I hate being home.
I think my favorite day of the week is the day we get to fuck
And then I discovered that while drunk last night I called the NAACP and left an angry voicemail demanding they fix the racism at my school
If I hear you use the phrase "silky soft scrotum" one more time I swear to God you'll regret it
Soooooooo high. David tried to rinse the water droplets out of the sink for 5 minutes
I was just told that I'm the Sherlock Holmes of drunken sex. I'll take it.
Its nights like last night that make me want to high five my liver.
Randomize
