i was drunk at family dinner telling about my gay brothers sex ads on criags list
she had condoms in her med. cabinet - magnums -I don't think I'm tall enough for this ride
part of me always dies a little when i go to the "2 women seeking 1 man" section in craigslist's casual encounters to find nothing there. it's tragic
Just saw a british exchange student take a flyer for free dental care. Yes.
i feel like my life is a cheap remake of American Pie
I seriously just washed my dick in a public restroom. That's how dirty last night got
I guess I tried to spit on a homeless man on the walk home...Out. Of.Hand.
She nearly killed the mood when she said "Don't cum on my spray tan"
why does my status of facebook already read REHAB 2011
she could've warned me his penis was curved
ya i dont think she expected you to get with her boyfriend.
After the 3rd time his brother walked in on us I asked "Does he ever knock?" his reply "This is his room"... Turns out he didn't even live there... I feel like a hoe.
I was in a competition with shots tonight...shots won.
My professor just paused class to answer a phone call from her dog. Im taking shots before this class from now on.
If Dr Phil has taught me anything about myself, it’s that I can seriously relate to those women who fake their pregnancies.
i'm growling thTa how much i wNn slwwwp.
save me some of whatever you're doing i'll be there in five.
Randomize
