I woke up this morning with 2 australian chicks passed out in my living room, a whole bunch of coke on my kitchen counter and I have no idea how the fuck either thing got there
he turned the pretty ricky playlist on. its about to go down.
Just figured out I can wedge my iphone between my boobs so it stands up at a perfect handsfree reading angle. Clearly somebody up there wants me to smoke this bowl while I watch my bieber videos
So hungover. Sitting in class about to puke during this ladys flute performance. Not sure why were having a flute concert in biology
sitting in my room in a shopping cart. they couldnt get my legs out of the holes. i want breakfast.
Ive only seen a dude masterbate on a train twice, once on the Jtrain and once on the Ftrain... trust me you never wanna see where the subway turns around.
She sucked my dick and I swear I almost had to send a search party into her mouth to find it. IT WAS THAT AMAZING.
She literally just changed his birthday. Overly attached girlfriend has nothing on her.
Please tell me that is you having sex in my car in my driveway and not a complete stranger.
You rode your bike four miles to my house. Yelled "I'm so high!" Then crashed into his car. It's a problem.
I woke up to him peeing by our bedroom door. I yelled at him to go to the bathroom and he just kept peeing while he walked there. This is a new low.
I somehow turned head, shoulders, knees, and toes into a sobriety test
I just want someone to put their head on my boobs and laugh at my jokes ....
A guy who takes a plate of chicken tenders away from us is not to be trusted or slept with
I am real keen for none of this to be taken out of context so let’s just shut it down right now
Randomize
