Also, just saw a homeless man answer a phone call on a blackberry...
ya i found him eventually. hes the only one who drinks guiness so I just had to follow the darkest green puke trail
I bought you a small gift as a preemptive apology for being a drunken slut tonight.
I'm okay. We got a prayer rug sent to us with the face of jesus on it. From Tulsa Oklahoma. Kinda weird.
He sent me a poorly photoshopped picture of his shaved dick wearing a Hot Dog on A Stick titled "Shorndog"...
I send out my deepest condolences for seeing my ass last night.
He almost got to me tonight but then I was like fuck it I'm going to dance with a teli-tubby on the bar so fuck you
You pole danced in your parka.
I told him i turn boys gay hoping that would scare him off. Finally i found a way to take advantage of my disability.
Like will they card me for my own whiskey in shampoo bottles?
This is what we get for finishing a whole box of Franzia by ourselves
holy shit the yoga instructor bought his baby pig to class today
How’s your Christmas Eve so far?
I just chased my melatonin with red wine. It’s 12:00pm.
I know you think you’re ready to graduate but just keep these things in mind: taxes, I get up at 5 AM every morning, I have to buy vegetables when I go grocery shopping, and I can’t wear sweat pants to work. Take that victory lap and enjoy the sweat pants and bar hopping because it goes downhill real quick.
not only did he puke in his mouth and hold it.. He also sneezed while doing this
Randomize
