So I just found panties on our kitchen floor that had a slit in the vagina section. Does that mean shes open for sex, or she has a penis?
So I just googled the ten commandments... Were fucked.
We lost the cork forthe wine, so we used a tampon as a replacement. I never loves tampons so much
Just had a guy dressed only in a towel ask me for a cig, hug me and kiss me then proceeded to pee of the balcony while still talking to me and callin me baby
it took me 20 minutes to get her upstairs... she crawled under a car and wouldn't come out.
A DRUNK EMT IS BETTER THAN NO EMT!!!
I heard liver failure is in for 2012 anyways
WHAT IF you could get pizza delivered to you IN YOUR CAR while driving somewhere. Like moving roadside service.
You're High aren't you?
Sooooo high
We need to do something soon. I need like 4,000 beers and a cigarette.
That works. I won't care. I'll be a mermaid. Mermaids don't give a fuck.
Especially drunk mermaids.
what the hell is that chicken wire thing she's holding?
An artistic expression of her stupidity.
2 girls slept in my bed with me. 3 more girls slept on a mattress on my floor. The furthest I got was cuddling. Here's my man card.
I find it fascinating that she'd be more comfortable with her mom finding out she submits dirty disney confessions on tumblr than about her secret email account she uses to chat with dutch and brazilian strangers.
I just found 20 dollars in my vibrator box. Was it a drunken sign to myself to get more?
He caught me mid-escape...one leg out the window, bra n thong in hand.I just looked at him and said "Bye Now" n proceeded to fall out his window....then.... tell me why he texted me 30 min later to make sure i got home ok! #igotthis
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