He's married, but his wife isn't my neighbor so I don't feel bad about coveting him.
It was ok at first, but now im getting freaked out by him jerking off to me doing yoga
I told him I wanted to have sex to "halleluiah", he suggested the poke-rap.
You were sitting on the filthy kitchen floor eating a packet of grated cheese, and you were crying because you couldn't find any cheese.. I'd say our party was a success.
Dude, you like sabotaged my shower time by walking in and eating a snack pack on the toilet. That's messed up on levels that haven't even been created.
Getting my nails done with Diana... I'm going for the keep your friends close and the girl who's dating the guy you want to fuck closer
New brilliant plan: invite two random okcupid girls to the same bar at the same time, have them compete
Dude I just saw a beer truck w taps in the side... It's like god heard my prayers and sent me a gift from heaven
No, dude...I agree it's great in theory but I promise you that 80 drunk 21 year old sorority girls together in one room for formal is one of the worst drama filled ideas ever. Ever.
I lost the right to judge tonight
My booty call is in the theater watching Deadpool right now. Never though comics would work against me.
We'll just play naked Twister, the rest will take care of itself
I'm pretty sure I have PMS because I almost just cried about not being able to find a place that gives acrobat classes here.
I quit doing blow for him. If that doesn’t say “I’m in love with you and want to marry you” idk what does
Unfortunately the rum ran out midway through our viewing and we had to suffer in silence for the rest of it.
Randomize
