girl in front of me in lecture is looking up on ask.com about chlamydia.
Went to the career fair today..I handed out many resumes to find out later that they say I have a bachelor o farts degree...Top that.
Just saw a motorized bathtub. I think this college thing is gonna work out.
Are you really this nice or are you just trying to get in my pants?
Both?
Puked in my laptop case in the middle of my nutrition class.
Well at least it wasn't the first time I threw up out of a second story window
accidentally stumbled into a construction site at 3am on the way home. The bulldozer was locked so we had to settle for rerouting traffic with all the orange cones...
So we get back to the hotel room and Tom strips off his clothes... His first sexual act as my fiance? Helicopter dick. I gave him a high five.
Alright, who started the "how long till dereck gets deported from Australia" pool? I want in on that.
So neither of us had a dollar bill and we couldnt find a straw so we spent all nite doing coke through penne pasta
Who wouldn't want a man who can knock a guy out but also loves the bachelor.
It's the best of both worlds
She asked for references to decide whether she wanted to have sex with me. And she was serious.
One day I'm gonna have to send my roommate a "sorry I got high and forgot you were in the room and masturbated next to you" fruit basket
this morning's inventory: a top hat, two empty bottles of everclear, half a slim jim, cigars, tiara, pot necklace, and some fishnets. and that's just my purse.
Just woke up with only a scarf and my uggs on. i hate partying naked in winter.
Randomize
