I think I just broke my ankle. I've only had one beer. I'm getting drunk before I go to the ER so it's less embarassing.
i swear to god even though i took those meds before coming here i did not hallucinate zulema silently throwing up into a breakfast burrito
I kinda remember trying to staple rolls of toilet paper to make a pillow, but it's blank after that.
...But it's not like we would be the first people to pay for an abortion with student loans and cell phone rebates.
After we were done the second time she turned to me and called me a Hardcore Armadillo. Also, her O face involves crossed eyes. You tell me.
I need to stop going to bars and yelling "I could be teaching your kids one day, bitches!"
Also I fell in love w a girl dressed as a pirate that was great at doing the limbo
I don't think I can look at him the same way anymore after he walked in my room wearing a short skirt with a boner.
I just want you to know that I think it is hilarious and wonderful that 40s are now your alcohol of choice.
I asked her why she was drunkenly masturbating to Iron Man and all she replied was "Robert Downey Jr". As far as excuses go, that seemed pretty legit.
After getting rejected by him, I got a strangely pleasant dick pic from an unknown number with the caption: "I hope this gets you through the night ;)" It's like the Cock-Gods were shining down upon me.
So I just realized I have three bananas, seven condoms, three lube packets, three tampons, and a shot glass in my bag but no pen #modelstudent
I had my first "Damn Kids/When I Was That Age" rant at work today. We need to drink this feeling out of me. NOW.
I feel like I shouldn't be encouraging my friends to hook up with their teachers.....but if it's for academic reasons....then I definitely encourage it.
She puked on the floor because she said she really liked to clean.
Randomize