i bet even starving children in Africa take the crust off their poptarts
so I think he was half asleep, but he woke me up by saying "where's my cow? Is it being shipped?" He must have been dreaming about farmville..
My mom called me and we started arguing as usual. I finally screamed at her "I HEAR YOU AND THAT 30 YEAR OLD FUCKING!" and hung up. She hasn't called back yet. I win.
I think "I actually like giving blow jobs better" qualifies her as a keeper
hr gave me pretxwk salad and a doubke shot of grey goose. i approve! tou guys are a beautidil couple.
I feel like i could break down a fucking wall with this boner
Soooo, coming over soon?
She gives the worst handjobs, it was like raw meat on a cheese grater
$645 later, she's throwing up in my washroom and asking for a cab. Hooker are soooo much cheaper.
Apparently I was proudly showing him the cup I barfed pizza rolls into
I know I don't have feelings for him because I feel completely ashamed every time after we have sex
I yelled "NO FLEX ZONE!!!" at the guy that thinks it's cool to take off his shirt at the party then proceeded to puking
I have no reason to put on pants anymore. This is my new reality.
You are a genius and a whore.
Theres a woman here with grey hair that im pretty sure i would have sex with
My boss walked into my office and gave me a toothbrush and tips for dealing with sex hair. She knows what’s up
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