My balls had bee stings let's just leave it at that.
What's the protocol on showing a video of me sucking the life out of my ex in order to prove beyond a doubt that I give great head???
careful of the bathroom.... theres some drunken ninja turtles in there....
just woke up in my car, in front of the bar. Took me 10 minutes to find my keys which were about 10 yards away in a bush. According to my phone records, I called my ex 14 times last night. Breakfast?
New development. Drinking at work is so easy and awesome I might have to do it everyday.
I could only remember yelling "rip it down" as he ninja jumped off the bed, kicked the wall, and superman punched the fire alarm off the ceiling.
I've always wondered why you never put the hotel room in your name...
your blue lips and tongue was their first indication you were probably underage
HEY THERE IS NO AGE LIMIT ON BLUE SLUSHIES
It was a perpetual wrestle for who got to be on bottom. Laziest hookup ever.
First thing on my "to do" list- get sober for community service.
Also I'm sitting home alone with a big ass bowl of marshmallows right now just eating. It's so sad.
As its breast cancer awareness month, I'm going to do my part by making everyone aware of my breasts
It's so hard to fall asleep when I can hear your genitals smacking against hers. I hate you with all the love in my heart.
My Sexting was not on an AP level
Yeah apparently i called the bartender a "fucking prison warden" after she took my keys and called me a cab
I wonder if the sex shop has any Black Friday deals.
Randomize
