Rule #1. Nothing comes between you and fantasy sports. Not even a hot chick willing to give you a blow job
Everything was going good until she wanted to update her status...You forgot to close pterodactyl porn from this morning. Clothes went back on.
we fucked to don't stop believing. most epic sex EVER.
Hindsight: maybe I should have included a few transitional texts in between talking about your son and my need to have sex. Do over?
My epitaph should read "Margaritas: she never learned"
I actually had fun getting arrested. That high.
You know me. Don't need roses, just dick and food.
someone to text and fuck? since when does that constitute a relationship?
since 2006
I feel like when purchasing hard liquor on a Monday I also need to buy a happy 21st bday card to not seem so pathetic
Remember, ur body isn't a visitors center
lesson learned.. dressing up like a naughty teacher doesn't mean you can get away with spanking a cop with a ruler for being "fresh" with you
Shroomed with my best friend'a dad at his wife's surprise birthday party so you can say I have experience in the field
Exactly man. Who needs doctors when you have vodka and hot knives.
He came back with a Butterfinger and vibrator batteries. There's no refusing him now.
I'm about 40% drunk. You know, not drunk enough to light the bar on fire, but drunk enough to let the cougar hit on me.
Randomize
