I woke up this morning with 2 australian chicks passed out in my living room, a whole bunch of coke on my kitchen counter and I have no idea how the fuck either thing got there
Her best friend sent her a random hate text and the song they played at her father's funeral came on the radio. I just got cock blocked by the universe
i am YELPING strip clubs. This is interesting.
Last night I dipped into my beer fund to pay for groceries. SINCE WHEN ARE MY PRIORITIES SO WHACK???
stuck in the elevator with that hot guy from the 3rd flood. Worried he can smell my spray tan and desperation
Why does She think it's her duty to welcome in freshman through the welcome mat that is her vagina
Apparently we were arguing for captain seats so I shouted "who has your virginity." I got the seat.
So someone just pointed out to me that during dinner, I mentioned more women that I'm attracted to than men. The transition might be complete. I'm gay.
I guess, all I remember was giving you road head the whole way there so you wouldn't fall asleep.
Woke up in time for my 8:15
Good for you I'm impressed
I realized 10 minutes in it was a class from last semester
I'm on acid right now in three feet of snow. I NEEEED YOOOOUUUU
Getting drunk in an Applebee's pray for me
Lord god protect this child
In other news, the one guy I DIDN'T have sex with in High School is now famous.
literally who communicates this much post-hookup why r u like this
His sister hates me so I took his virginity on her bed
Randomize
