Joe is yelling at the trees again.
The ratio was 19 to 1 and the 1 was lauren so it didn't even count.
Like if Robert Downey Jr. and Kiefer Sutherland got together for a bender, that's how drunk I want us to be.
i still can't believe we survived that barcrawl. the third bar had bullet holes and we still went in.
I've had three separate encounters with cops in the last 9 hours.... In two different states
"I made out with someone too, but then he tried to fuck and I played dead"
I didn't want sex last night, but she charmed my dick out of my pants like a snake charmer.
I just feel like I'm worth a little bit more than your recycled nudes...
COME TO THE TOP OF THE MOUNTAIN AND I WILL GIVE YOU MY SAGE ADVICE.
I just turned down an invite to sit on a face. IDK who I am.
What? Are you sick?
I just gave my boss a blowjob. underneath his desk at work. that promotion is mine!
I guess she found the pillow case full of vomit I hid last night: "Oh my God. Oh my God. In my fucking FRIDGE?! Really? Hope your dick falls off there's puke all over my food. Fucking die."
I remember waking up on the bathroom floor and seeing my teeth behind the toilet
she referred to her cum as “pussy butter” so needless to say we had a good night
Btw you guys passed out eating DP dough and watching Pocahontas... on a monday
it was stoner heaven..
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