Breakfast of vicodin and eggs out of a solo cup at about three in the afternoon on a wednesday...I have my life together
I think god was stupid personally. The clit should be inside the vagina. Idiot.
i can't believe you bought a jetta. you know that's a girl car, right? if i hadn't had sex with you, i'd have no other proof you're straight.
She has an album entitled "my photography", which consists of about 80 different pictures of a tractor that she took on her cell phone. I'm all for freedom of expression, but come on.
I joked that if anyone could fuck a 35 year old woman while wearing head bands and arm sweat bands it's you and look what happens.
Just threw up. It looks like I may have swallowed a cigarette.
He's a cat fanatic .. That was not in the fine print when we started fucking
I feel like I got hit by a truck. Or a baby dinosaur. One of them ran over my body and then stuck me in a blender of fire and storm clouds
stef broke her leg trying to vault over the coffee table. these olympics drinking games are going to fucking kill us
I have my vibrator between my thighs and I'm listening to high school musical. That kind of high. We're all in this together.
After I came she just held my balls until I fell asleep. It was like adult swaddling. Magical...
I just overheard an "I'm going to get your dick so hard" conversation at Costco.
Your ex roommate is making out w the kid who pees on floors and it's kinda funny
Hey, is this going to be a real date, or am I just meeting you at a hotel to have sex in the bathroom? Given our history, I think it's a fair question.
Please wake up and help me figure out how I woke up on the floor with my head under the couch
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