i chose cheese fries over sex for the third time this week.
In these economic times, linking arms taking tequilla shots with your boss as an underage girl is the best job security I can think of
he's drinking at 8 in the morning. it's going to be one of those "or else the terrorists have won" kinda days
I just had to ask my dad for money to pay for my birth control. I've hit financial rock bottom.
Best part of being a cop: When I showed up at Thanksgiving with stitches in my head I could tell them I was "protecting and serving" not "drinking and falling down". Career validated.
Oh my God, that is a gorgeous man. And I wasn't even gay until five minutes ago.
Did i tell you my idea for my life plan? Not the one that involves stripping.
They're making him take his shirt off cause they think he's the bouncer. We're in his backyard.
the chips you spilled whiskey on is not the same thing as Irish breakfast potatoes
its just been over 12 hours, and i`m dying, don`t know how i`m supposed to survive the holidays sexless
you did that thing you do when youre drunk where you rant about bruce springsteen, start hooking up with someone and then pass out midway through
Stop calling me, Mom. I'm in his closet. You're gonna blow my cover and I'm about to catch this lying SOB.
His sister hates me so I took his virginity on her bed
the party picked up after I got pretty drunk...I got kicked in the fucking head by a tiny lesbian...she was 5'1" I did not think she could do it...i was very wrong
Apologies that our conversations always turn to butt sex or penis size. I thought we out grew that in our 20's.
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