Ur dog is a babe magnet. Reminds me of me
sometimes i wish i had boobs. not on me. just like in a drawer.
Let's just rave with boners that last for hours
Call me old-fashioned, but I don't think the words, "Finger my ass" should find their way into casual conversation.
Her shirt said pass joints, not judgement. You're surprised she stole your wallet after?
I damn near set my vagina on fire. WHILE The Flaming Lips played in the background. Intensely apropos.
Every minute you wait for the sex that's not gonna happen, we're missing a tone deaf, drunk, tard-asaurus rex half-sing a 90's song to a bunch of other dinotards at karaoke.
i was on the fire escape while he ate me out for a while before i realized he had shut the door behind us and locked us out and i proceeded to climb down the stairs and climb back into the party through the window.
i can only hope to be on your level one day.
I just told the sun to stop. That hungover.
How is it possible for someone who gets so many dick picks sent to her, to be experiencing such a complete and utter lack of dick IRL.
We probably are going to die. So. Thanks for agreeing to be my Maid of Honor even though I torture you.
I was playing 'If You Had To Fuck One or Die' with the old composite pictures with a guy in the bathroom line. They were all pretty ugly so I go "You can tell this is a lower tier frat"......turns out the guy was a brother
He just made this face while he was fucking me and he looked like the hunchback of Notre Dame, I had to stop him.
its 4am. iam sitting in the luggage car of the train eating beef jerkey. i feel like a hobo.
dont insult. no hobo is as pathetic as you.
Our livers are going to hate us.
It's okay, they're regenerative. God wanted this.
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