It started with Hannah Montana and ended with alcoholism.
pretty sure mid blowjob I told him I needed to call you and ask you if this was whore-ish. He hid my phone from me.
it was my 21st birthday. took an old mans walker so i could stay till last call. reasonable right?
Just when I thought this night couldn't get any worse, my dad sang and dedicated Sexual Healing to me at kareoke night.
I looked at you and you stared at me dead in the eyes then sprayed febreze at your crotch and winked.
Then, he just started shoving orange pieces in my mouth as a chaser
Make sure you take the apple pie out of your pocket before you pass out.
They walked in to the store, ripped up the phone book, and left. Can we get on their level?
the back of my hand read, "say no to drugs." my palm read, "say yes to shots." when the fuck did I write that?
Can she stop putting up all these passive aggressive statuses and please come out of the "I-want-to-be-a-pornstar" closet already?
He barged in the room with no shirt on, all fucking ripped with a half keg under one arm. Sara now calls him Bronan the Beerbarian
sent a snap of my boobs out to my FWB his response was what happened to your other nipple ring.. how do I say it got ripped out by my other FWB last week without sounding like a slut
He just got really stoned and kept complementing my ponytail
School supplies are right next to the margarita mix at target. Its a sign
HE'S FUCKING 19 YEARS OLD, HE CAN'T EVEN GET INTO A BAR WITH ME, WHAT MAKES YOU THINK I'LL LET HIM IN MY PANTS?!
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