Not only is chick snoring like a 48 year old man but she's farting in rhythm
I get free beer too. Its called a vagina and its accepted everywhere like visa
dude relax anyone of us could have gotten that girl pregnant
you kept saying 'can i put my penis on the grill?' and it was all i could do to stop you. you're welcome, though
He waited til after we had sex to tell me he had herpes... Ugh I hate being drunk
The saltiness of my tears mix perfectly with the tequila.
You wouldn't let me clean the puke off your face because I'd mess up your cat whiskers. Now that's dedication.
I need to find a more grown up way of dealin with a hangover at the office than pringles and mountain dew at 8:30 am...
I've been at work 30 min broke a paper towel holder a chair set a box on fire and fell down twice. Hungover Brian just reached a new level
Remember those girls from the bar? The tall and short blondes?
Is this a story I am going to hate you for?
Huh interesting. Well thats too bad. Did he catch on?
I doubt it. After sex he sat there naked until the episode of fresh prince (which had JUST started) was over.
Omg. I'm making you a chocolate and "herb" birthday cake and using joints for candles. I'm gunna need moms help with this!
My boobs are hoarders, they steal food and hide it. Greedy bitches.
All I remember is that I was trying to call my wolf pack by howling.
His pet bird was perched ON HIS DICK.
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