R you on birth control?
No, why?
...no reason
Hard rock hotel, wtf why am i still out, im gonna fuk 5 chix 2nite .maybe
you didnt remember my name all night. you kept referring to me as "the blonde with the fat ass"
i wanna give whoever invented massage chairs a blow job.
We've had the 'life would be so much better if we were both lesbians' conversation too much for that to be okay.
She was so adorably desperate I didn't have the heart to tell her I wasn't a lesbian. So now She's making waffles, may switch teams over this.
Day 8 of being sober: Sniffed an empty beer bottle at a restaurent and almost licked it. This is not working
She's all pretty and bubbly and nice and I'm sitting here stoned looking like Lucifer.
I also tried to solve my dog's itching problem with crystal healing. I'm so high, dude.
I just rubbed amethyst all over him and kept saying 'no bites.'
I've been here 11 months and i just realized i have literally never looked at my apartment/roomates sober
I lost my favorite bra in his hotel room. Is it bad that that's the only reason I hope he texts me tomorrow?
Remember when I puked into a mesh garbage can in the middle of a meeting and told the clients it was "morning sickness"?
hahah yep
Well the are flying back here, it's been like 10 months, should I frame fake baby pics in my office?? Or too much?
I am so horny that I an legitimately concerned for your safety when I see you tonight.
whered you go
woke up in a ditch, shat infront of a little league game, slept in her stairway...i need to come here more often
My theme for the night was drink diego drink! Unfortunately Dora was not there to navigate me to the bathroom
Randomize
