im never drinking mad dog again and i have your belt.
We fucked twice, I went to the bathroom to freshen up, and came back to him playing "Your Body is A Wonderland" on his guitar naked in my bed.
Thanks for the birthday present, i had so much fun playing with it
Are you talking about my vagina?
my bedside table was not meant to hold this many beer bottles.
I'm not going to fuck him in his Honda Fit. That's gay.
So does it count as really great road-head if he ran over 3 mailboxes before realizing he was off the road?
better to have posed nude and lost than to never have posed nude at all...thats what i always say
Did you pluck my eyebrows one night when I passed out?
I am ina trunk. Iam in a trunnnnnjkk. I hope its yours. Oh manomanomano. Thids better be your trunk
We have an unspoken agreement. He helps me move and I give him a blow job. It's really unfair to him considering he doesn't know how much shit I have.
Sometimes while peeing I'll go hands free, put my arms up by my chest and make claw hands, and pretend I'm a new type of dinosaur called Dickosaurus Rex.
Copy that. Decided to shower with a beer in a glass bottle. Gotta stop the bleeding first. Be there is 20
I'm so stoned I just sat here for like at least 45 min thinking about how I would get some jack in the box tacos if only I knew where my wallet was and then I kind of blinked and finally noticed I had literally been staring at my wallet the ENTIRE fucking time
Stocking up on Wasabi powder. Nobody's tampons are safe.
Is it too far to say to someone "you're useless for everything besides sex"
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