The world needs more lipstick lesbians, if anything.
Quick, to the slutcave!
I can't wait til my little brother reaches the point where puking doesn't mean we stop drinking
My dermatologist just asked me, "what happened here?" referring to the bruising on my nipples. I told her I walked into a door. Thanks for that awkward moment.
You can't keep basing your relationship off of the fact that you both love ramen noodles
Pretty sure I blacked out the last 48 hours, the last thing I remember is the 4 pm bar crawl on Thurs
Can you believe they're going to let me be a doctor?
i feel like the 7 eleven by your house knows our deepest, darkest secrets
I an in a belgian bar and i cant understand shit. Trying to talk to strangers. Getting drunk until we all speak the same language. Brace for updates.
I mean you were pretty drunk at one point you asked if we could have a glass of water ready for you in case you choked while bobbing for apples, but you said grape juice was preferable. You can't choke on an apple btw
Such a good question, let's ask the alcohol gods for the answer.
I had lunch with him today and quietly mourned his wasted good looks on such a disappointing set of genitals.
Me hangover (as projected). That sounds like a plan. Ill do it for Mexico
His exact words: "I don't have anything you can't treat with antibiotics."
Bruh, I wanna absorb into the deck.
I wanna become a plank.
God I love xanex.
I'm still drunk, my mom is throwing up, and there is a random Irish guy out getting our house breakfast right now. Wednesday's are my bitch.
Randomize
