please tell me that the half empty jar of cocktail sauce on the table has nothing to do with my missing seamonkeys
Just found out that wake n bake is not one of the 7 habits of highly effective people..
So it turns out there are pros and cons to having a broken wrist. Pro: I can give amazing blowjobs with my left hand. Con: I just had to open a packet of crisps with scissors.
Wake and baked to watch the boston marathon. God I love massachusetts
If i pass out for a while at graduation, please atleast TRY to wake me?
apparently i saved myself a memo last night titled "cake" and all it says is "i love it so much"
That's the last time I do shots near a campfire.
Just found out he cheated on me last night. But its Shark Week so I will deal with it next week.
Doors open. I'm laying in bed watching caddy shack and drinking a vodka tonic.
And I'm out of vodka so bring vodka or 2013 will blow ass
Hit a new low. I'm FB stalking him while he is lying in bed sleeping naked next to me. He fell asleep with FB still open and unlocked on his iPad.
The guys in the quick check just recognized me as the girl who bought rolling papers and whipped cream. This is the walk of shame on crack.
I've been on the toilet for an hour. On a six day bender. My ass feels like its leaking vodka
Do you know how hard it is to put a bandaid on a vagina?
SOME DUDE PUT OUT FOR A MCCHICKEN AND YET YOU STILL WON'T FUCK ME
So there is a 50% chance that he just left my house and a 100% chance that I have to be up for work in 2 hours...
Randomize
