i wanted to go smoke pot, so i told my mom i was getting tutored. she asked what time i would be back, i told her learning doesn't have a curfew
Can someone please explain to me how I got rugburn on my tits?
I need a creepy friend to scare off the other creepy people
I would be honored to be that friend.
I'm gonna stay in bed all day and watch porn in an attempt to stay warm.
I returned the dress. When they asked for the reason for return I said, 'I don't deserve to wear white'.
...She just said, "We've been blessed with good drugs lately."
I would like to apologize for my MANY attempts of trying to motor boat you.
I sent him a naked picture of me with the caption "I lost at beer pong, this was a dare. Hope your nights going as good as mine" I've never talked to him in my life, this is a strange way to start.
My therapist thinks I shld paint u something to show u my appreciation 4 ur friendship. 1) she must think I'm rite on the brink of no friends 2) this is real
that's how you measure success
By how bad my vagina hurts on a Tuesday morning while I'm trying to figure out how I got white girl wasted on a Monday?
Want to go home, so casually slip my underwear in his pocket. Never seen him grin so big and say goodbye to his friends.
Fool me once shame on you. Fool me twice and I'm the idiot missing half an eyebrow again.
Also, I wish we had magnetic nipple rings and our boobs stuck together.
I cannot believe I accepted his penis into my body.
Definitely went to court without a bra and panties because Mr. LastNight’s dog stole them. I guarantee you I was the only lawyer going commando in court
Randomize