I think I have a pornographic memory.
Don't you mean photographic?
No.
When I'm drunk and can't pee, I sing my abc's in my head and try to pee before I get to pee. Last night I forgot to do it in my head
I'm at a Rock of Love themed party. New high? New low? I can't tell.
Wait. Scratch that. It's not themed. These girls are just sluts.
just saw bouncers outside a coffee shop. beginning to question humanity.
We were driving to the party as he was giving me key bumps.. That's what I call team work
well what is some mechanical horse racing with out blow involved
like a dude with a badge in a golf cart is gunna do shit. Unless he has a tazer. Then it's fair game.
can you blow me for old times sake
only for old times sake
You know what I'm hearing? Blah, blah, blah, I have pneumonia, blah, blah, blah, I'm a quitter. COME OVER AND PUT YOUR PENIS INSIDE ME.
When do you want to get tanked and forget our entire college education?
I spent all the money my grandpa gave me for Christmas last night….solid start to 2015
Im just an angry damaged little elf who wanders around and tries to find drugs.
He just turned down phone sex for hockey and I'm so relieved I'm fucking a straight guy that I'm barely even mad
the fact you finally accept your bi don't shock me but as your fuck buddy I expect you girls to go family style on me
You can't just bring up bondage and then stop answering me
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