That's what you get for not wearing a bra and jumping on a trampoline
the ice cream truck is coming omgomg
dude, it's 2 am.
but its COMING
We just walked into this party and immediately got handed a grilled cheese sandwhich....
He just did a 33 second keg stand with a fractured leg, busted chin and chipped teeth from running into a parked car after winning a race.
I just sent her mug shot out in a mass text because I hate her and her cocaine eyes are hilarious.
I'm so glad I got to use the word gutterslut before 11:00a today.
Oh man. Realized I was high when I realized how long I'd been watching Roseanne
It's my coworker's last day party and I'm the one who ended up shitfaced on the train with half a bottle of belvedere in my bag.
I was up all night on suicide watch. Dave was wasted and tried to strangle himself. With his own hands.
He's upstairs shouting 'FUCK OFF I'M IN MY MOTHERFUCKING ZEN ZONE' out of the window.
Remember when we saw my neighbor taking dick pics of himself? He's back at it!
I was ok with it until you started yelling " just the tip!" I know she's you gf but don't backseat drive the three-way.
Until you have had Country Grammar stuck in your head whilst writing a Supreme Court brief you've never lived.
BILL GATES DONALD TRUMP LET ME IN NOW
Only a true best friend would remind you to make sure your cucumber dildo is organic
I'm trying to secure Christmas dick. Idgaf if he has strep or not.
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