I have taken lazynest to a new level. I took a picture of the notes on the board instead of writing them. I win.
Whoever had sex in my bed during the party last night left a glow in the dark condom on my floor. I'm not even mad anymore, I just want to know who it is so they can tell me where to get one.
The worst part of it is that he's not the first man I've fucked with 2+ chihuahua's.
Get everyone out of their dorms and watch 3 girls do the walk of shame from my room.
I've been smelling a baby wipe for three minutes. I didn't think I was that drunk but I guess I am
My period started right as he was entering, which really helped me sell the "I've never done this before" bit.
HOW MANY BOYS NOT ONLY APPROVE OF YOUR PLAN TO BECOME POCAHONTAS, BUT WANT TO MAKE SURE YOU DO IT RIGHT? One, the answer is one, and he is the best and if anyone ever tries to steal him I can assure you they will never be heard from again
She left a blunt and poutine on my nightstand with a note saying "went to the gym. be ready for round three when I get back" I love Canadian chicks
He got naked after doing the Ice Water Challenge and it was still enormous. So, yeah, I stayed over.
I gave a handjob to the beat of uptown fuck last night
So you were shitfaced and stole a fucking kayak?
If people had ratings on Tinder I'd give you 5 out of 5 stars.
She just took all of the blankets in the house and threw them in the yard, because 'the grass was cold'..
You know. You being in a happy healthy relationship is REALLLYY cutting into our drinking alone together time.
i thought the time we went to a party with no shoes on was bad, how about the time you left with no pants on?
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