She made me repeat after her: "I take responsibility for what I put in my own mouth."
I need to take "lollipop" off of every single one of my playlists cause it makes me wanna suck dick.
Bad news. Pictures just stimulated my memory and i just realized the stripper I hooked up with this weekend tasted like pizza.
The prescription for my birth control just blew away in the wind on my way back from the health center. It's like god wants me to get pregnant
I Know I'm the drunk girl in the trunk right now, BUT PLEASE LISTEN TO ME!
Found a popcorn kernel in my pubes... Time fir a Brazilian
our friendships a beautiful delicate flower...that has been crushed by peni
Going to dump some dried Xanax powder into some Mac and cheese. Can't think of a better way to avoid tasting it.
Hey. Im sorry to bother you but I just watched the seinfield episode about faking an orgasm and it caused me to second guess myself. Were you satisfied?
Your cousin just directly asked you for nudes
How's Vegas?
Woke up with a sculpture of my own head. Been trying to find Ashley for two days. so pretty not too bad.
I've finally done it. I finally achieved my lifelong goal of becoming that awkward lesbian in high school who went on to have sex with more women than any of her male classmates.
Ah Christ I think I've reached the single life mentality 100%. I just inquired a photographer about a photo shoot with my dog.
Also: I hate her so much. She's out at hooters, making spelling errors, while I'm literally sitting at a clinic getting std tested. Which of us won the morality award in this break up.
The career specialist read an Onion article to us. Please send help.
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