Who do you think planted the wheat? Who do you think cleared the land and killed off the native inhabitants? Women?
A small cock is a small cock, don't blame the size of my hands
you drank a bottle of vodka and then while throwing up in my toilet you kept reminding me our hs reunion was in 2 yrs and it was time to start getting thin again anyway
Is it too much to ask that he stop calling me 'titty fuck' in public?
Apparently I had an idea for a cooking show and then proceeded to throw cookies at people.
you cant just puke in an arbys and not order food. thatd be rude.
all i could think about while he was eating me out was how pretty his eyelashes were
I think my hopes are too high for this one. The only other bachelorette party I've been to I was felt up by a Chippendale's dancer and smoked a joint with the party bus driver.
Yea I've gotten enough hickeys in my life to know what I'd look like with a neck tattoo. I think I'm getting a neck tattoo.
Ok there's 63 pics of you jerking it on my camera from New Years. The time stamps say it took you 40 min to get there too. See a doc, your only 22.
I just found 20 dollars in my vibrator box. Was it a drunken sign to myself to get more?
Would it be playing god to put spaghetti on my pizza?
The struggle bus has heated seats and stops at Dunkin on Friday mornings so I'll be okay.
Pride log, day two. Noticing more bruises and scrapes. Liver functions probably very lowered.
Do you remember punching the light out in the bathroom? I didn't, and that was at bar 2 of 4…
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