Why are you ignoring all of my texts?
The power was out.
she must wash her vagina with a dirtier vagina
not sure what i find more disconcerting, your text or the fact that i recognized that as a dane cook quote
beer pong: waldo and ernie vs. bacon and eggs... i love halloween
At the bar dressed as a taco. not a typo. Come down.
i had to wake up at 4 am to do my laundry because I was afraid if I saw people in the laundry room they would judge me by the amount of clothes I had covered in vomit from syllabus week
You swear the intervention is for her? I've fallen for that one twice.
Alas, very true. I'll sell some of my eggs and give you like 10%
And with my 90% I'll get a scooter with a sidecar. And a pony. Also with sidecar.
I just want a guy that likes cats and is willing to get a vasectomy. IS THAT SO MUCH TO ASK?!
they wouldnt let me drive the convertible because i was in a bird suit :(
There's a guy in a life size dick costume, and two guys with white shirts that are each half if a pair of breasts in a red bra lol. They came separate but when they saw each other there was some titty fucking in the street, it's only 11
At least I had a $10 coupon for Plan B today. Smart shopping for bad decisions
Meanwhile I'm googling glory holes in Vegas
Also did I tell you guys about the time that I balled for like an hour at a frat and made them play wagon wheel and then cleaned their bathroom
I just remembered something. We made out last night, people cheered.
We had sex in Lake Michigan for an hour Sunday.
Thanks for ruining an entire lake for me. I hate you so much right now.
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