i was unaware that anal sex sometimes ends with shit on the bed.
Is it bad to use cherry nyquil as substitute for grenadine? Because i just went there.
Nah, totally cool. It already has the alcohol in it.
Dude we got so high last night. I said "watch this" threw a goldfish cracker in the toilet, and laughed my ass off. We watched the dvd menu for 30 minutes too.
If we were to wake in ur bed together, what are the 3 words you would say to me?
Get out now.
This beer is not sobering me up at all
Her directions to the house party: "the north star will guide you, turn left. I'm wearing the potato hat"
The fact that its 10am on a gameday and I have yet to shotgun is absurd
She said I walked up to the McDonalds counter and ordered just a cup full of pickles then proceeded to offer some to everyone in the place.
they call him Oral-B. enough said
Oh man I'm using the bubble wrap that wraped my new vibrator to wrap my dads fathers day gift
Nah. And this is true. It's like you were trained by sexual Jedi or something.
*jedi wave* this is the penis you were looking for
You were spooning an empty magnum of white wine in the middle of the bed so I slept on the couch
Well at least there's no more confusion about your place in my life. Wine > pizza > your dick > the rest of you.
Love you...
What's more sad than going to Target to buy Plan B and the new Sam Smith album?
Pretty sure one of my drivers stopped to get laid while he was delivering a pizza. Is it appropriate to give him a write-up AND a high-five?
are you comparing glasses to pregnancy
Randomize
