You just projectile vomited on my dad across the table at waffle house.
Do you think he can smell the vodka?
hahahahaha your sister just walked down from the guest house with a stain on the front of her shirt and "owned" written in blue sharpie on her forehead. i dont think she knows what happened last night either.
Hello you've reached the get a clue corp. Our business hours are from take a hint to figure it out, eastern standard time. If you prefer to leave a message, don't, call back when you're not crazy, fat, and annoying.
Freshman Move In Day, its like Christmas in August.
Dude, how the hell did you become an RA?
Her throat is strong enough to gargle peanut butter. I'm sure you were satisfied.
I just need to repress my desire to share my impressive chugging abilities with the world and I won't black out so much
Rolled in at 3:30am from the strip club, with all the screaming I did, Siri doesn't even recognize my voice this morning,
New rule. No seeing movies about plane crashes after killer bong rips
And after peeing my pants waiting outside for him, i proceeded to drop down and roll in the nearest puddle to pretend like i just ate shit when he arrived
Dressing as mugato from zoolander Halloween you may want to be the hand model. We can get you a fish bowl filled with Clementine Vodka and soda you can put your hand in.
I told the bartender that his red, white and blue shots were terrible and tasted like Thomas Jefferson's balls.
I'm more heavily invested in that tequila than you are
I may have just sent her dad a picture of my penis. His name's Myron, right?
So he cheated on his gf again. For the third time. Second time with me. HE CRIED WHILE DRIVING ME HOME BECAUSE HE CHEATED ON HER. And I laughed the entire way. Good god I'm an asshole.
I want to be her friend more than I want to fuck her boyfriend.
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