If only Ben were 51% gay instead of 49%
even in the morning, she still thinks my british accent is real.
I woke up to a bunch of college seniors jacking off a horse in my face. Geuss who didnt move in time?
The heaters out again. Makin a fire in thebroke toilet for warmth.
Drinking down Plan B with a 5 hour energy. Winding down welcome week in style.
Got laid last night using the intro line of "rate your hurricane evacuation plan on a scale of 1-10"
In your drunken glory you promised me, tongue, 12 naked pics, and 1,800 breakfasts.
dude, where are you? this beer run has taken so long i read war and peace, took a nap, and shaved 3 times.
Love these next 4 months. Wake up from a college football hangover and get to put your hand down your pants and watch NFL football all day.
I feel like dick that good should always be within a five kilometre radius of me.
I shaved my entire vagina for a man who had the personality of a potato and a C- orgasm. Life is a series of disappointments.
It's like the cookie assaulted me with being high.
I'm really just disappointed in myself for having sex with a musical theater major
I'd invite you over to drink but then I wouldn't be drinking by myself.
i really didnt think i was that drunk last night but the txts from unknwn #s that say i like your lace panties are def telling me otherwise
Randomize
