I don't know what part of vegas I'm in but its definately the wrong part
the size of his penis is telling me NOOO! but his bank account is telling me YESSS!
The djing cat is back again. I think he just makes appearances when im shit drunk just to fuck with my mind.
Had dinner with my ex husband. The box of wine is gone and I'm laying on the floor in my wedding dress. Where are you?!
You should make it a point to use vocabulary that is competition appropriate around him, like "champion" and "training" and "victory sex"
Why are there chunks of your hair in everyones pocket?
I decided to mark my territory.
I have to finish a biography for history and write a review on it so naturally I was like "getting high will make this more bearable" and now I'm basically inside the book at the revolutionary war with this guy.
Life Goals: never under any circumstances, pee in an elevator again. No matter how drunk
bought even stevens on dvd and enough weed and pizza bagels to last us a week.. ready to get snowed in?
You know you need to get it together when a frat guy wakes you up and says you need to go to class
He's mad about lube? You know what, don't even. I'm not in the proper mindset to discuss lube.
It's scary that my vibrator is a dangerous weapon. I want a new one.
Threw up on break at work. That brings our collective tally to 9 times. We can never drink like that on a monday again
Blunts beyotch
What? Joints? Blunts?
I'll refer you to my previous text: "Blunts beyotch"
then he said the sex was mediocre and that it was because of me. and that we could try again tomorrow.
it was 100% mediocre because of him, and we will 100% not be trying again tomorrow.
Randomize