Just had a nice conversation with my landlord while cleaning your puke off my car
you kept thanking chef boyardee for having pull tab cans
How do you feel about fucking me quick and then me leaving to go do arts and crafts?
Omg 230 lb butch lesbian with a mustache grabbed my dick. I need an adult
I'm trying to make a sex playlist
record yourself crying and put it on a loop.
So last night I kicked a beer can off of a frat guys head and it nailed one of my sisters in the face. Think i'll be brought up on standards?
We really shouldn't need this many nicknames for the women you've had sex with.
After 7 months of nothing.. shall we throw your vagina a party? as its reinstatement into society?
Currently hiding in the shower from the RA and my elbow turns it on. Showers and Ciroc don't mix..
We had sex to beyonce's "drunk in love" and then he order me pizza. It was perf
This guy is like Don Jon! Im over here this weekend and at least four times I've heard porn on his phone thru the bathroom door.
I'm shaking a cocktail while in bed. Is that bad?
What part of I just want to watch porn, eat Taco Bell, and masturbate did you not understand?
Thanks for the hospitality last night.
You mean sex?
Yes....hospitality.
Depends how u look at it. Half-full, half-empty, or how should I shave my pubes
Randomize
