if you don't open the door right now liz is going to get pregnant
i want tt clbm rinabw nd ride uncrn
what?
i wnt tto climb a rainboww and ride a unicornnnnnnnnn
she was most def 27.5% uglier than a troll, but the sex was great
apparently he couldn't remember my name so he refereed to me as whats-her-boobs and everyone knew that it was me he was talking about
i get the sense she is planing new and exciting ways to physically harm me during sex
My financial advisor filed my girlfriend's abortion under "investments" so my wife wouldn't find out
we were sitting on his couch watching tv and laughing at how funny the voices on the commercial were, then we realized the volume wasn't on.
She just won 2 Grammys at 17 and were sitting here hotboxing our half bathroom
KY in my mouth and throat does not a party make.
Tight. Want to get up, make coffee, sit on separate couches and silently read our mobile devices together?
It's 4am & this guy is asleep with his junk still inside me..really rethinking my life
You know it's been a rough week when you funnel beers by yourself.
I need to stop waking up with no pants on.
what happened this time
I dont know everyone was gone and there was a bird in the room
OH MY GOD YOU GUYS I JUST FOUND OUT I HAD PHONE SEX THE OTHER NIGHT
Well I just masturbated while reading a recipe for Alfredo sauce so I guess you could say I’m growing up
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