I hope the kids appreciate the fact that I jizzed on her instead of on their slide.
There's a girl at 7-11 apologizing for her behavior and asking if she can get her shoes back.
He's really hot. I think he's gonna be my reason to shave this winter.
$5 off purchases of eighths or more today only. Happy tax-free weekend. -Your consumer-minded pot dealer
I'd say it's a shame and a disservice to the world that we can't stay drunken shitshows to infinity
Actually, what with the curvature of the Earth, it's faster to leave from Washington. And Google maps recommends kayaking instead of swimming.
So my mom wants me to come swim with dolphins with my little sisters in October. I'm not sure how to tell her I saw a "when dolphins attack" special when I was rolling and am now terrified of them.
Found out people don't like it when you get drunk at fundraising auctions and bid in foreign currencies.
you ate the make a wish sign. Like actually chewed on it. It was our solution to going outside when the cops were there
Fuck I forgot the furry convention was this weekend and now I'm downtown. Way too high for this shit.
I put on pants and a bra for you and you never showed up. There is no forgiveness for that.
Dude you were so wasted you thought a fake electric candle was real and tried to light your cig with it. Multiple times.
There’s nothing that says motivation more than watching these little geniuses on Kids Baking Championship New Year’s Day. I’m ready to fuck shit up this year.
He is 6'5, went to a Christian school and he's a violinist....I'm going to fuck the jesus right out of him.
So my furniture is upside-down, two lamps are glued to the ceiling, and there is a kitten sleeping on Kyle's face. Please tell me what happened last night....
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