I'm in a strip club that reminds me of a crack house from the 80's.
i feel like a lion cub that has been breast fed for years, and mom has left, and now i have to learn how to hunt on my own
according to the contents of this bucket, last night i swallowed a whole teabag
He broke up with his gf yesterday so he could give me our annual Christmas sex at midnight.
Marry him. Now.
I knew it was a good Wednesday night when I woke up tucked in to NOT my own bed with my beer helmet, an empty bottle of Jose, and a trash can placed in front of my face.. Happy 20th!
I deem her datable let the dance of attraction commence
We still on for coffee?
Cream and sugar. Deliver to planned parenthood in 45.
We're not on Beacon Street anymore so now your argument about not peeing on the sidewalk holds no water. Whereas my bladder has holded every water.
I just told him I want him to "take the reins". At least its festive sexting?
mom is telling me the setting in which I was conceived
did you know we used to have a pool?
Why is there no Netflix category for "I just wanna cry, but I don't have time for a whole romcom"?
whatever bro. i had ice cream and whiskey for breakfast and its noon. this is the second worst christmas ever.
This morning we had sex while he was wearing a full length fur jacket and sunglasses... I wasn't even phased
And he kept lifting up his shirt every few minutes to check if his nipples were still there
We have massive handle of kettle and a rack of hi life
That's the happiest ive ever been at 7:48 am....
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