Forget about socially acceptable. Make me happy instead
I wish I was a guy so I could jack myself off anytime I wanted to
I told him to go down on me and when he did he started crying!! I asked him why and he said my vag looked just like his ex girlfriends!!!
I got into my dads silver toyota in the back seat to get picked up and 2 mins later I asked my dad when are we leaving, then an old mexican woman turned around. wrong toyota I'm guessing.
the only good thing about him lasting five minutes was that nobody thinks i had sex with him or that im a slut because we were only in the bathroom for five minutes
when you wake up try not to move. we are betting to see if more sprinkles stuck to you or the pong table.
I just peed in a flower pot on the veranda while crying and holding a drink
You told me if you could get your shoes on, you deserved a coke and rum. We never made it to the party.
It was one of the greatest weekends of my life. And that's even after factoring in spraying myself in the face with the bidet.
I sent "Rawrrrr" to 151 matches on Tinder. I feel like thats a substantial size of the DC female population.
What do you mean? Just eat his food and have sex with him. Unless you want a relationship, then just eat his food.
I'm not dropping acid and watching game of thrones with you. That just sounds like a disaster waiting to happen.
It is getting ridiculous, the elaborateness of the schemes I have to concoct so my suitemates don't know I'm pooping.
You kept calling yourself a spider monkey... Then ran to the bathroom to "prepare for the main event"
They stopped fighting to partake in M&Ms and porn.
Randomize
