His moose knuckle keeps winkin at me
about to play the homeward bound drinking game. alone. what are you doing tonight?
he said I was the best sex he's ever had, handed me a burger king crown and told me to take my walk of shame with pride
Does your gf have any friends she can hook me up with?
Better looking than her though please.
My mom gave me a book called "why good people do bad things"
I didn't realize you were one of the "good people"
so jimmy johns showed up at our party last night. our house is sponsored now. living the dream.
and you think what you did last night was bad? at least you didnt go wake up a sleeping guy for birthday sex.
I should start an etsy shop with all the jewelry and clothes women leave at my house
when seducing a hipster, do you think taking a nude pic on a lomo-camera app would increase my chances? grainy off-colored boobs and telling him how much i like reading salinger?
Hey, please tell me that you and dad are having actual steaks tonight and I did not just get sexted by my dad
I just gave her a sobriety test in the middle of the baking aisle.
And the results, officer?
She's fucked.
Just remember that I named his dick Robo-cock before he got into the sheriff's department.
my friend was passed out in the bathroom so I threw up in the coffee maker, not the pot the water reservoir that kind of drunk.
Matt and I's climactic adventure has ended with Matt being hauled off to jail. And now his brother and I are having lunch and a beer.
I don't know. Sometimes you can be a wild card with your emotions. Mostly the emotion known as anger.
Randomize
