Is it just me or are more fat girls getting belly button piercing these days?
Watching intervention at a bar. Who let this happen??
That would explain his violent outburst while watching barefoot contessa...
ok, my life is complete.... the cops AND the paramedic just made a Mean Girls reference...
Yeah, I think they knew. I smelled like that telltale combination of strippers and Easter.
I'm gonna have to fantasize about her dying just to get off.
They only knew me as the lesbian that passed out in a bathtub. That's not what you call friendship.
sleeping in bed with your booty calls married sister...you're the stuff heroes are made of.
And by "hammer out the details" you know I mean spending 20 minutes on wedding plans then getting wine drunk, right?
So the keyword here is "hammered"?
At this point, just throw that mattresses away. Or bronze it and display it as a testament to your shame. either is good.
I just spilled my beer on a five year old. She's crying but I can promise you I'm more upset.
I've made a new rule for socializing in the winter: if it doesn't involve me orgasming or getting drunk I can't make it
Think i may just have managed the saddest high-five in history. Finished a sudoku and high-fived myself, then looked around for somebody to high five. there was noone. forever alone.
The fact that I’m not married yet means there are millions of lucky girls out there who have dodged a bullet
Wanna get business drunk and go play golf?
Randomize
