I drunkenly sent a picture of my scrotum to the entire baseball team last night
I don't have the urge to be a home-wrecker with these two. I think I've grown, don't you?
I'm going to knit you a pair of furry handcuffs. And you said that knitting class was dumb.
definitely not taking the whole return culture shock so well...drinking a 100 proof rootbeer vodka float out of a german beer mass
i should do something illegal before my birthday. as of thursday im old enough to go to jail.
Lube is flammable
Who is this??
Dude we both faced 40s of steel reserve which is like saying, "Hey, I'm a complete piece of shit!"
My vagina feels like it's been kissed by angels.
When you put my balls in your mouth i just want to buy you expensive gifts...you know what i mean?
Well you fished my watch out of a possibly vomit filled toilet so I think we're bros now.
You kicked my dad IN THE NUTS right when he walked in.
Sorry, man. Thought he was a cop.
It's very disconcerting to wake up and she is gone. I never know where she could be. It's like playing wheres Waldo but Waldo could potentially be drunk and wandering around in weird places that normal Waldo's don't go.
When I meet her I'm going to have to resist the urge of saying "hey! We're Eskimo sisters!"
I'd still fuck that
You'd fuck a dead moose
Quite possible
They gave my sperm a pep talk after they found out we were trying.to have.a baby.
Randomize
