in vegas stuck in the middle of a pride right now
Pride?
thats a pack of cougars
go fuck yourself
He threw a goldfish cracker into my toilet and then proceeded to laugh for 32 minutes. I timed it.
My mom is getting really tired of hearing the excuse 'it's 5 oclock somewhere'
He said I taste like butterscotch, licked me, then I'm pretty sure he wet his pants. So no, I do not want to invite him over.
He walked in AS I was cumming. Now even my father knows I'm a squirter.
he described going down on me as being like 'entering a jungle of deliciousness and fur
He tipped the stripper with quarters. After that not even the waitress would talk to us. I had to move to another table to get a lapdance
He pulled a condom out of his satchel and i questioned my entire life.
he kept telling me how much his girlfriend would love me while we were making. why does tequila always do this to me?
lost her for two hours. she was banging a russian guy in her car in the parking lot. he told her she was majestic.
yeah im watching him make his speech now. cant take him seriously tho. hes talking about funding for education and all i can think about is how ive seen what he looks like wearing womens underwear...
He told me if he passed out to wake him by sitting on his face, and if he suffocated at least he would die happy. Found the one.
At least you didn't get an invite in the mail to your fuck buddy's baby shower like I just did. My life is a sitcom
If he knew how badly I want to blow him he’d stop talking about his wife
Feel free to drag me back to reality at your convenience
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