Yeah, i don't remember peeing. or meeting the girl.
so i told her that taking semen on the face helps make your skin smoother.
and?
luckily she was drunk enough to believe she had really bad acne...
I just remembered I gave a homeless man a ride to his bridge last night.
vagina is talking i cant
She had a little wicker basket of condoms by her bed. Disturbing yet convenient.
we were on a sandy mattress. i was wearing a sweatshirt with a poodle on it and eating a whopper jr. i wouldn't have fucked me either.
Try not to bring up the fact that I woke up and couldn't find my pants... He might get the wrong idea.
We wore fake mustaches and shirts that said team mustache ride to a party we weren't even invited to
The bald eagles cry cause u drink canadian beer.
As long as I don't spend the half the week passed out/fucked up on Klonopin and no one dies, this will be the best week I've had all semester.
Will you bring a case of beer down to the hot tub? Me and Phil don't want to feel feelings anymore
I finished masturbating now I'm eating french toast crunch. What is life, and what are friends.
I just forgot I was standing up.
It's all fun and games until you rupture a testicle
I literally have a pirate chest of slutty clothing.
Randomize
