I'm sorry for everything. i woke up with two citations stapled to my shirt.
I think I'm going to be in trouble for sneaking out last night. My Dad saw me drive up this morning when he was leaving early for work.
What'd you say?
I told him I was sleep driving
He belongs with you like a mcdonalds playground belongs in Chernobyl
the bulge in his pants is not junk. its hair. trust.
i was about to rearrange the room but realized that this is the only efficient setup where we can have sex while the other one's asleep without them accidentally seeing.
I'm gonna wear that dress that makes me look like a slut. You know, the one your sister got arrested in.
I'm so glad I got to use the word gutterslut before 11:00a today.
She's planning a December wedding, I'm planning on a June breakup.
Another memory: We offered for a stranger to live in our house under the condition that he took the garbage out because it's a 'blue' job.
We are the best.
Ps. We need to take the garbage out.
He sent me a mirror pic of himself and sent it to me and all i could think about was the amazing bong hits i took with his roommate in that bathroom.
At one point 12 people dressed in care bear onesies were up on stage grinding super nasty, and two of the girl Care Bears were making out.
If this wasn't a hallucination, we need to go to this magical kingdom every night of the week.
When a best friend shows up on a tricycle with a case a beer and goes "get on loser" you get on, because there is a magical adventure afoot
I'm not sure... But I think I just found a porno I starred in during my black out week of '08.
It is such a beautiful day to not be arrested
I told him I just left the convent and really wanted a man. He fell for it. Sure beats telling him I'm a nympho stalker that followed him to the bar when I saw his beard.
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