i just google searched 'can you pop your ovary'
it's 4 am, i'm drinkin beer and re-drywalling my bathroom. this could possibly be a bad idea.
About me waking up with a tatto of a hamster with a top hat ?
hey.....beach week happens
the guy i hooked up with is asleep on our couch. please dont fuck him.
um i just went through the in-n-out drive thru and meant to ask for my cheeseburger animal style. turns out what i actually said was, can i get that cheeseburger doggy style? been a rough weekend.
I often get tempted to walk up to her drunk ass and say, "shouldn't you be taking care of your kid?"
Just ran into my ex in the WOMENS bathroom. He said I did this to him. Swore he never wore my clothes but said he liked my skirt. I need vodka.
You need to take one for the team and go bang a random sample of mexicans. Cause my internets broke and I can't google mexican foreskin stats.
hey did i steal that bike before or after the ball dropped, casue i might have broken my resolution already
Nope. Too hot. We just sat in my tub with cold water spraying on us drinking coronas. This summer heat is killing my libido slowly
All i remember his him yelling yahtzee while pouring beer down her shirt .
We were all day drunk by 2pm. Now I know why they hate Americans
I'm like, not good at living.
You don't understand. This boy has the Mona Lisa of cocks.
I may or may not have been feeling patriotic and banged Captain America in a closet. SPOILER ALERT: We broke his shield
Randomize
