I saw a sign that said worlds largest frying pan next exit. Way to do your fucking part Iowa.
If it makes you feel any better I'm plucking my mustahce and drinking. Alone.
Currently standing on top of my parents leather couch with no pants on playing helicoptor with my penis. You?
I'm like cupid
You're a whore with a bow and arrow
Woke up to sesame street reruns and a $62 pizza bill. Never again. I mean it this time.
I tried. Now my legs are bleeding and I cracked my head on the coffee table. Never taking your advice again.
Just did a walk of shame dressed as a cowgirl and walked past his ex's entire sorority. Yippee kye aye, motherfucker.
we've been together for three years, and i still get excited when i know i'm going to give him a blow job. it's that kind of love
First highlight of the semester: campus safety caught me peeing in the dirt parking lot by kappa. Then as they were about to write me up, they recognized me, laughed, and left.
I'm wearing spiderman underwear, the question is what am I NOT capable of
dude, i just accidentally flashed your mom. BIG TIME.
Plus i lost a button on my shirt and we got free drinks all night. Sorry I'm not sorry.
I spent the entire night stroking his hair. He was cool with it. Never thought a ginger stoner would help me work through my social anxiety but here we are.
Dude, he wouldn't have sex with me during halftime cause we were rooting for different teams and that would be "bad juju", I had to settle for 69.
He responded to all of my texts prodding for dirty talk with "I will do anything you are comfortable with."\n\nChivalry is great, but being comfortable doesn't get me wet.
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