You just made me feel so damn special
jackpot. dress really slutty so he knows you mean business
$22.99 left in the bank til payday = 3($7 jack & coke) + 2($0.89 T-Bell taco) + $0.21 in case of emergency.
math is fun
It's going to be great. They guy at the store said 3 shots and you won't be able to feel your face or stop smiling.
I don't care if he acts like a don't exist 6 days a week. On the 7th day he makes makes my vagina cry. In a good way. Jesus understands.
Turns out vomit takes off spray tan.
i seriously just licked my laptop for traces of blow from the other night
I just had to download an app to edit pictures on my new phone. The things I do for sexting...
I'm smoking a bowl and pondering why we haven't discovered teleportation again.
I just realized I'm the burger in your burger and steak anology. Very disconcerting.
When we were eating pie last night, I dropped some, and not only did you not judge me for far surpassing the 5 second rule, you let me use your foot to sock mop with. You're a good friend.
As soon as he came we went to Dairy Queen. That drive through lady was very condescending about our "just fucked" ice cream.
Where does dick fit into Maslow's hierarchy of needs?
336: Dude I lost my.phone Wednesday night at a party and just found it, three days later, on the lacrosse field....what the actual fuck.
His mom let me come to his house for a Booty call at 4am. She even cooked us breakfast in the morning and told me im a better moaner than his girlfriend of 4yrs.
Randomize
