____ banged a stripper...well technically she's now a hooker...
My eyes are so dilated i literally have night vision right now.
On your way out, lock the front door. And by lock the front door, I mean find the door handle, reattach it, and then lock it.
He must be back home now. He moved his box of beer from her porch to ours.
She just opened a six pack of corona with her car door ... I had no idea she was such a skilled drunk
When we were fucking he said and I quote "we're like a sex fajita"
Joined a porch party below me by climbing out the window and jumping off the roof. Tonight will be good
I thought I was invisible, then some guy flashed his high beams at me and I realized my lights weren't on...not invisible.
I will accept it in the form of tooth necklace but if you have better ideas I am open to suggestions.
Jesus these cramps...it's like every potential fetus I swallowed last night is personally punching me in the uterus
He added his name to my To Do list. That's the way to my Type A heart.
I told you when I started the only reason I was gonna coach your kids soccer team was that I could meet all the hot soccer moms. So why are you so mad I slept with your ex?
Threesomes are not as fun as you'd think. I left with a black eye and I'm not sure who's to blame.
Don't know where this pizza came from but i got breakfast in bed
The progression was banging a stripper banging an unemployed stripper banging a sexual entrepreneur quarantining with benefits totally fucking whipped. Get it right dude
Randomize
