After he came inside me, he made us hold hands and pray that I wasn't pregnant.
Mark is going to get hypothermia. he is shirtless eating snow bc he "doesnt want to be dehydrated" tomorrow. youre in charge.
Sometimes I seriously wonder if I could get away with vodka Sundays at work. Cuz this red bull feels naked.
Okay the common myth about putting tampons in you nostrils for a nose bleed is busted. It just starts coming out through your throat.
I borrowed a glass of wine. And the bottle. Your cat said it was ok
When people ask about my bruises, I'm just going to say it was a doorknob. Or possibly a group of doorknobs. Angry doorknobs.
He awkwardly handed me plan b on Pickens Street... it was like a sketchy drug deal.
there are no losers in shot checkers. only winners.
i put frozen meatballs in my drink thinking they were ice cubes and I'm vegetarian wtf
Take home message: SPERM IS EVIL AND SHOULD NEVER EVER EVER BE ALLOWED UP ONE'S NOSE.
Just called the boss a "cunt baguette". To her face. This is why I can't drink with people from work. Know of anywhere that's hiring?
Can I pee and smoke my bong at the same time or is that like eating on the toilet
not that im pissed, but why are there two naked chicks in my bed?
You were only speaking with either thumbs up, thumbs down, or high fives haha
Don't ask but i need a priest, a calzone, a litre of gravy, and exactly 7 oreos
And a bag of nachos
Randomize
