I'd wear matching sweaters with you
we couldnt find her phone in the morning so i called it and found it under the bed. my name came up as 'regret'
I'm gonna have bed sores at the end of this hangover.
we ate a 40 pack of string cheese and watched an entire washing machine cycle.
You woke up in the middle of the night and told me we won the sweepstakes, the penis sweepstakes.
Hung over does not do it justice. I am hung like a horse over. I am hungover and over and over. I am hung, drawn and quartered fucking over. They just told me I can't keep my sunglasses on in the office. Fuck drinking with you people.
I think I may be stoned foreverrrrrrrrr. The earth has been around for a long time.
This is going to ruin my future wedding planner career, but isn't it better the groom knows he's gay BEFORE he gets married?
Aka reading hardcore gay robot porn as a steady trickle of elementary schoolers walk by me every so often and im still in uniform as there councilor
Who is also still dressed up as a pirate
Next think I knew I was pretty much using his penis as a microphone... No more playing Eminem during hookups
My mind just played a snippet of me asking to be a Joey and trying to climb into your apron pocket...
You leaned over to me in the elevator and whispered "how long do I have to pretend to be sober?"
When the theology professor asked me what touched me most about this trip to Rome, I guess "the guy from last night" wasn't the proper response.
Chicks dig it when you smell like bong water and frebreeze.
So were driving two hours to go to a club and Charles packed me a sippy cup full of tequila. He thinks of everything!
Randomize
