I think your mom looks like a breed of donkey and elephant, but her boobs are perfect
i'm going to be honest, my vagina smells.
Im broke. I spend all my money on weed cigarettes alcohol and food. In that order. I cant even cut one of those because you know it'd be food. I already stopped getting my nails done just so i could support my bad habits.
who the fuck tagged pancake nipples on my profile picture?
I'm sitting at the bar eating dinner next to a nerd, a guy in a 10 gallon hat, and a policeman. I feel like I joined The Village People
Everything was going good until she wanted to update her status...You forgot to close pterodactyl porn from this morning. Clothes went back on.
its raining. im dressed as yoda and im trick or treating alone. and i wonder why im still a virgin..
giving yourself 2 days to recover i see
I'll need it. Largely because i'm going to be stumbling through fancy restaurants with a bottle of whiskey insulting couples all night.
I need to write the inventor of adderall a thank you note stapled to a copy of my degree
HAPPY NEWYEARSM FAGTRON! GETTING HEAD IN TAXI I WIN
Using the ceiling fan to slice the hotdogs in mid-air can only be contributed to our liberal use of 1800.
I told you I'm not going to the Phillies game until we're tripping balls
It's like a harem of immaturity and bad ideas...and that's coming from me
I'm at a new rock bottom. Malibu on ice at work because it's the only thing they've got and no mixers.
Today is get drunk without showing anyone my penis day
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