theres a dog humping me and im not going to stop it... i really need to get laid.
If God's watching us, we might as well be entertaining
this mix will be the most desperate cry for affection in the history of itunes.
Not even the dog will look at me anymore.
I can't believe I just compared my penis to a St. Bernard.
I thanked her dad for "firing off a good one" when she was conceived. She said thats why he doesnt like me.
Alright, my brain isn't sure how to properly function on a Wednesday with no hangover and more than 3 hours of sleep.
I wish we knew morse code and could knock to each other through the wall
The smell came through my closed door. His farts are made of rendered tires, and apparently, ghosts.
Its mothers day, andI woke up with 12 bar stamps on my face, holding orange juice and a box of tampons. This can not be happening
How could she say that about my foreskin when she hasn't even seen all the cool stuff I can do with it?
Yo. What's your name again? You put "don't tell your landlord" as your name lol
My intervention, when it happens, should have vanilla cake....buttermilk icing.
Disclaimer- Don’t worry about my wounded nip. I put a bandaid on it.
Want a bet? I'm a kinky and determined motherfucker with a libido that is not easily stopped
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