Like my Aunt Merial always says ... big dicks, big dicks.
pretty sure i remember announcing that i lost my virginity to that brad paisley song when it came on during power hour?
Swear. I think after passing out in a community college parking lot I can safely nominate myself for the piece of shit of the year award
They are pre-gaming a trip to congress...not sure how politically correct the group is.
I saw a stripper quit while on stage to months ago nothing you tell me will amaze me
Dude, they are shaking the RV, yell at them. It feels like i'm being rocked to sleep, I don't like it, I'm not a baby.
Dude he's the best wing man ever. He starts creepin' on a woman, and she clings on to you out of fear.
I'm at some strange place in what feels like Mexico, high and getting tacos.
While the bouncer was checking my purse, he found a bag of pasta noodles in it and asked me why I put them in my purse. I said to him: "So the guy knows I can cook."
...and as she's going down on me I look at the speedo and I'm doing 15 under, with 6 cars tailgating me, and I know her parents saw her head pop up because they were the car right behind us.
I know they deliver ice cream, but do you think I can ask the delivery guy to watch the rest of the movie with me too?
The convent might be a nice break from real life
That awkward moment when you realize you've been secretly blackout dating someone for three months. Drunk me is in a committed relationship.
I want you
Nvm, now I want someone who replies to my booty-call texts faster
I am so dumb. I made a mistake and let him get away.
Don't worry, there are other penises in the sea.
Thanks, mom.
Randomize
