I found my crush's facebook page. And his wife's. Apparently they are still in love. Of all the people to have happy marriages! Fuck, I'm depressed.
Could guys at least pretend I require some amount of money to be spent before I randomly go down on them?
He tried to blame not having a condom on the economy.
I feel a bullet train of disappointment headed in your direction.
Stolen hampster on my tits. Don't tell me I don't know how to party.
He was barking to the beat of "I like to fuck" and then chugged 3 beers and fell off the deck.. I should have gotten community service hours
His reasoning for leaving the keys in the ignition of my car overnight with the top down in an open parking lot ? Too eager to have sex. The sex was not that good for him to do this twice....
Girl, that was the lost night of 2012 for me and I have buried that night deep deep away..
can we take a moment to remember my theory on 'your tongue is a snake that lives in your mouth' because we reached a whole new level of high
I'm just going to have crazy good sex with him until one of us developed feelings that works in the movies right?
Why am I cleaning the house twerking to anaconda wearing a bears jersey and helmet?
You should be able to leave recommendations on Tinder.
I'm gonna tell the medical examiner that your cause of death was over-arousal.
2016 was supposed to be my year of being a ho, but I guess 2017 might be too.
Come over.
Look lady I can't have sex with you EVERY day. I have things to do.
Randomize
