i was picked up off the floor by a stripper, if thats not a new life low then i dont know what is.
when i was ordering pizza, the guy muffled the phone but i could clearly hear him say "its that drunk bitch again"
I JUST SAW A SIGN LANGUAGE CATFIGHT
Let's just not urinate on things that don't need to be urinated on
only thing in my fruit bowl is 4 champagne corks and a jenga piece . Tuesday.
I mean like if I stood up my head might pull me down like an anchor
Showering in not my own throw up is really hittin the spot right now.
He's way too stoned. I took him to el bra and he's laying on the table, not sure what to do with him
Btw, if I didn't have 3 limbs in restraints and my free hand offing myself with the pocket rocket, I would have snap chatted you. Next time.
It was Thanksgiving sex. I was thankful for it. Need I say more?
She pinched my nipples out of nowhere as I was about to come... I think I found god
I just fell in love with a beard, the guy it's attached to isn't great but I think I'm going to take one for the team
We fucked. Had a political debate. I won. So I sat on his face.
Of course I fucked her, her man stole my bike when we were kids
you would have been so proud of how classy i just looked at the pharmacy with my $10 off plan b coupon. so resourceful.
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