No idea how I passed that sobriety test.
I'll write directions out on a napkin and slip it to him. Then say P.S. The UTI is gone.... that's not creepy at all right?
The worst part is I think my tongue cut his penis and now he wont talk to me.
so exactly how many freshman chicks did i tell to call me "the tripod"?
she asked to have her picture taken with every guy we walked by.
i looked up and she was looking over the stall watching me pee and told me to unlock the door. that dedicated to sucking my dick.
Told some chick I'm a virgin, on my way to her house as I type this. Debating crying afterwards to fuck with her head.
I'm calling in my "fuck at anytime anywhere" card. Meet me at my place in 20 min, wear your Waldo costume.
Dude are you being arrested? I swear I just saw you laying on the hood of your car with a cop patting you down...
Today I'm playing this game called how physically long can I Lay in this one spot before moving, do you have an estimated time of departure?
I felt like a responsible adult. A responsible adult that may or may not end up shitfaced. But not heaving purple puke into a urinal like last time because I'm classy now.
I think all three of us just need to suck it up and go to lunch with him to keep our bar tab down
I feel like ditching all logic and responsibility and get shit-faced before the week's over. Thoughts?
the gnome is staring at me and the pineapple is wearing shorts. I don't want to do this anymore.
Let's get this straight. I am six fucking feet tall. Do you even understand how limited my options in guys to date are? No. Did you see my last three boyfriends? I looked like a fucking giant next to them. So I will fuck this six-foot-seven Italian model even if I am the ugliest girl at this party because, goddammit, I deserve to.
Randomize
