I just had one of those moments where i was really sad that i'll never get to be asian.
dude she snuck out while I was still sleeping then was banging on the door 10 minutes later cuz her car was brokedown. how was I suppose to recognize her??
Excuse me by sucking dick i am fighting crime. Just think of all the prostitues going out of business and getting real jobs.
Just went through ex bf's and hook up buddys and liked pictures of them on facebook. A friendly reminder that I will be back in for the holidays
THERE IS PRACTICALLY A BEER FUCKING WATERFALL
it's a "shave your legs in the cvs bathroom" kind of night
Just took the worst coed shower ever. We both cried. AND I only shaved one leg.
I guess our biggest consolation is that we haven't woken up in a hottub with a dead dude. Yet.
Just fat and dog and sweat all over the bed. All night long.
Running late for a date because I couldn't get my clothes out from under the dude I spent the night with in time to leave when I planned. This is my life.
... and smoked a joint with my new landlord. I'm starting to like Germany.
God damn. You sleep with one 40 year old married dude and suddenly you have “daddy issues”. Fuck all of you.
somehow I wound up on the floor crying about his beard. then telling everyone I'd give him a "lesbian blowjob".
If you find out what that means, show me.
I’m really upset they canceled the conference. Since the divorce I’ve been working out, I bought cute new outfits and even found a bikini I liked. Now it’s all online. You can’t get laid at a webinar
Not gonna make it. His stripper neighbors are playing a Super Bowl drinking game that involves removing my clothes
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