yeah well you didnt even puke from the alcohol. we cut you off and went to huck finn's and told you that the "irish cream" coffee creamers had baileys in it, so you shot down like eight of them and puked all over the floor. it was great. we cheered you on and everything
No idea how i never noticed that penis before. I wonder if it works
Took her home last night and it was like trying to put an oyster in a slot machine. I may have drank a little too much.
So for a second i just thought clitoris was a disease.
So I totally just remembered that you tried to smoke a hornet out of it's nest.
I refuse to go to this wedding alone, or sober. Practice drunk-walking in heels and a Bridesmaid dress begins tonight.
I'm crying, drinking alone and applying for jobs tonight. I figure the alcohol will lower my job standards.
Because I'm a hot mess throwing up in the litter box
It could be worse. I was dumped by a guy in a kilt after he gave my shoes away on St. Patrick's Day.
Well don't pass out under a Swedish flag and people won't make assumptions
I have stickers all over my boobs and a lump the size of china on my forehead. today has not been good.
We were going to play manhunt in a strip club, calling it mancunt.
Who told you that acid and Jurassic World was a good idea?
dont remember, but I'm pretty sure I was convinced that the hybrid dinosaur was satan the whole time. It was actually very spiritual
stupid neighbors doing stupid yard work with their stupid kids when i want to do drugs in the backyard
I think the heterosexuals across the hall are negotiating about breeding. How do I figure out which one is against it and back them up?
Randomize
