Well, they emptied out the keg by the third kegstand for America.
You said that my dog would "complete your puzzle" then you got naked and took it behind the bar
It feels like a bunch of leprechauns are using my brain as a soccer ball
Just jerked off with bubble wrap. Not as awesome as it sounds.
Our DD has become famous. Strippers are asking to be handcuffed to him.
I bruised my dick hopping over that fence last night
This is exactly why you shouldn't bang your bartender. Although the awkward free shots are a plus.
Don't need my thirties to be known as the decade of "new types of shits from drinking" like last night.
Just screamed wow while using my vibrator.. new low
After I asked for my 6th Gin & Tonic, the look on the flight attendant's face started to make me feel bad about myself.
at what point last night did i get this tattoo of an anchor made of dicks?
around eleven
You reached new levels of laziness. After we woke you up to take shots with us, you stayed in bed so you didn't have to move when you were drunk and sleepy
It's official. I have spent more money on weed than on textbooks this semester.
The only thing I want for my birthday is a divorce from you.
My drunk is wearing off and im starting to feel like this dolphin tattoo was a bad idea.
Randomize