Tell him ill love him long time
I'll assure him of it
ok 1 i realized people actually live in central wisconsin and 2 culvers could be a good place to pick up chicks today
im doing shots everytime lil jon says it in the song shots....blackout town here i come
Using Dr. Seuss quotes to ask me how badly I want your penis is not appropriate.
i think the date started going downhill when i mentioned how many therapists i have
whoever threw up in my shampooo bottle is totally getting defriended on facebook.
i tried to stop you. you just kept saying your split ends needed punishment.
I can always tell its time to do laundry when my vibrator doesn't stay covered up in my sock drawer.
I had a great penis washing session in the sink before I left. Washed off all the bar and green beer
Stole a wheelchair from the hospital and rolled down the street smoking and drinking this is my weekend
Moment of the day: as we leave the restaurant, she reaches into my pocket, pulls out her panties, and angrily marches to her car. I felt like a sketchy magician.
You motherfucker. I just had an MRI with a penny under my boob.
Dude she tried to bite my face off last night, literally. I have never actually felt like a piece of meat until that point in life...
I remember walking into a bathroom stall that had a couple fucking in it and giving them a condom and a thumbs up and then leaving
I shamewalked barefoot this morning and the Dos Equis delivery guy judged the shit out of me.
I’m pregaming Christmas shopping with grandma. What’s up?
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