I've never had a man I enjoyed more than steak
i just made a list of the people i have slept with. is it bad that some of them are just either names of the places i met them or the color of the shirts?
i also rounded the number up for good measure. i am sure there are a few i have forgotten about.
i feel like the prize bull at the rodeo. everybody got a ride, no one lasted more than 8 seconds and i'm pretty sure i kicked one of them in the ball sack
Its officially tradition: I black out every year on michael jackson's death day..
The tornado sirens were going off and everyone just ran to the liquor store. .
VODKAVODKAVODKAYESSSS
DIN'T JUSGE NE.
I puked in the urinal of a bar tonight. Not embarrassed cause I got away with it, legitimately upset you weren't there to make fun of me.
I always hoped that one day I'd have a sex position named in my honor.
sriracha body shots, that's gonna be a thing
it's like you just said "i want you to suffer"
"Little drunk?" Honey you were "livetweeting" Sublime's "Sublime" album while it was playing in his car, and at one point you said you hoped they play Santeria. "Little drunk" doesn't cover it.
how is it that I keep meeting up with you when Im drunk?
you stand on my porch screaming my name until I come out with you...
I just matched the dude who's car I rear ended 2 years ago on tinder. I don't think he remembers.
I just found three upside down bottles of grapejuice in a triangle around the air freshener above my toilet... I guess it was one of those nights
Your amazing boobs made me fall in love with boobs. I never cared about boobs you should be proud
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