well yea, now i know i won't get hair in my teeth...
This is getting ridiculous. See/touch her boobs=good day. Not see/not touch her boobs=bad day. I am legitimately depressed over the lack of tits in my hands right now.
Wednesday. Otherwise known, to you at least, as "there are two gay men in my bed" day.
I'm Still in a robe trying to piece together 3-7am I'll be there in a few
I only made out with him because he cured my hiccups
do you find it slutty that the last person I had sex with is also the person who sings my ringtone ?
Since he's sober and out of jail, he acts like we are the worst people on Earth. Fuck him, the only acceptable time in life to do coke is the early twenties. He won't take that from us.
I'm sorry for not being sorry about whatever shit I did to you when you were annoying and I was drunk. That is all.
Holy. Crap. I just found a hickey on my bikini line. He never got my pants off. WHO IS THIS MYSTICAL HOOKUP WIZARD?
I gotta say, I do way better with the ladies than I do the men. So if it turns out being gay is a choice, then I'm going to go ahead and choose it.
He asked me if my princess crown was real and before I could say yes, he was already reaching to put it on. I'm pretending I'm asleep if he tries to have sex.
i want to shrink myself down to penis size, climb inside of her pussy and just live there for a few months.
I woke up with a dread of barbecue sauce in my hair. Drunk munchies makes me a disgusting person.
I told him you're making deviled eggs for the party. Sisters make deviled eggs to get their sisters laid. It's science.
I was just tongue fucked into oblivion.
Randomize