my throat hurts so bad i feel like i just gave head to a cactus.
I think i found my new favorite workout. Go to a party where you dont know anybody and constantly walk around the house so you dont look awkward standing alone. im up to 1.8 miles
about to play the homeward bound drinking game. alone. what are you doing tonight?
It was weird. Like "Mom, Dad, here's a guy who knows my orgasm face".
One thing noone tells you about getting put in the drunk tank is do it barefoot. You get free flipflops.
All I remember is passing out with an umbrella over my head and waking up screaming bad luck for seven years
You sent me a cat video and you screaming drunkenly in my background
You told me that you were mad me because I wouldn't let you 'explore my castle'. Then you said I smelled like a hospital and passed out.
Girls at BYU need to learn how to handle a penis. I swear my date last night was trying to pull it off my body to use later.
After we won I just ran all over campus for a couple hours. Then made out with a guy on a bench
You called your ex, and talked to her for an hour about how you miss her, came back inside and asked the girl with the biggest tits if you could take a pic with your face in them and sent her the picture.
Roommate charged out of his room in pajamas yelling "MAKE IT RAIN" and just threw $4,000 in fifties onto my head. My Friday night.
She looked up and said "I like this." I asked "what do you like?" she said "penis."
He’s going to a lawnmower race. I got a Brazilian and he’s racing a lawnmower race. Pick me up. I’m not wasting this waxing on John Deer
When you realized the door was unlocked, you did the mission impossible yheme song and snuck into the bathroom. And continued it while you peed.
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