Nothing ended up happening last night because he couldn't get my overalls or fanny pack off. I woke up this morning with one strap over my overall shorts on, my fanny pack wrapped around my chest, and the baby doll still tied to my hand. Ugh white trash parties!
I said I wanted my dignity back. He brought my thong to me after sharpie-ing "dignity" on the front. I'm not sure if I should me mad or impressed.
My last google search last night was 'vodka swimming pool'.
Responsibility does not care about your dick.
Also, I'd like to add that that I'm not quitting my job, my boss fed me shots at 11 am this morning.
He sent me a picture of his dick with a cowboy hat on it.
I had to help some 40 year old women shoot down some 21 year old who called her his "milf fantasy"
Then mom squeezed my boob and said, "Dad would go nuts if I had these..."
You peed up the stairs in front of everyone then blamed it on the dog
Best case scenario I do a bunch of dirty things to you, blow your mind and you enjoy it. Worst case I stare at you, poke at you, smile and droll on myself, you laugh.
I was so high I didn't realize I'd put on someone else's bra. I thought my boobs had shrunk.
I have in my possession one ukulele shaped package.
Do you think it would be weird to add her on Facebook?
You just commited a felony act together, I honestly think we're beyond this.
Sorry for trying to wake you up by slapping your ass with a fruit 2 go.
you're telling me you don't want to have sex 30,000 feet above the earth?
Randomize
