Just got back from doctors appt. He lied. It wasn't a pimple on his dick.
I'm at the store buying plan b and vodka
the cocktail of hope
so was this before or after i puked down the ice luge?
I'm pretty sure God is rooting for me with this two gf thing
I can't wait til my little brother reaches the point where puking doesn't mean we stop drinking
This beer is not sobering me up at all
i woke up next to a ladle and a packet of chocolate biscuits that my face had melted into one giant biscuit.
There is a mobile STD testing unit set up at my place of employment. In the lunchroom. I may need to reevaluate my career choices. And my lunch plans.
Is it bad to have a craving for speed? I feel like my nose is thirsty.
What should I say back?
Well, how do you want the conversation to go?
Straight into my pants.
They've taken all the lighthearted fun out of S&M.
Someone needs to fuck me in my slutty pumpkin costume and I would ideally like it to be you
He's driving 2 hours to visit me and he's bringing weed. I love him so much.
I mean metaphorically. Literally zombies have yet to invade. Let's be rational here.
Why did I wake up with a skeleton in my bed? Is it from the lab?
Oh crap, that's where it ended up. Yeah, don't ask.
Randomize
