I hope you have a really shitty weekend. I love you.
She was walking with the authority that 2 beers gave to a light weight.
If you liked it then you shoulda put your dick in it, oh uh uh oh
I found a map from his room to his bathroom this morning in my purse. Apparently I was too fucked up to get there without one.
Just found puke on my backpack while sitting in class. It's like this weekend won't leave me alone.
He burnt a smiley face into the screen with a cigarette, peed in my tub and then tried to take off his pants. tried...
Just had a shirt made that says "I'm sorry" going to wear it every sat and sun morning for the foreseeable future
I'll always remember 2012 as the year I hooked up with countless girls who had the sides of their heads shaved.
It's gotten so bad I typed my will out on my phone in case it's over.
Prepare for massive TMI but anyway long story short I have a Swiss flag band-aid across my balls.
What a patriot you are. How'd it happen?
Note to self. The tub labelled "not water" does not contain water.
He fingered me to the beat of the Fresh Prince theme song... it was pretty fantastic.
I thought my sex drive was gone but let me tell you it is back with a vengeance
HAMMERED.. I made a peanut butter and jelly sandwich with toilet paper instead of bread...
You ran outside mistaken the snow for sand and started screaming "WHERES TH BEACH"
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