You look at her and you just know the only action she's gotten is from her tampon..
It was romantic. He brought over a bottle of Jack to celebrate us becoming official on Facebook. Definitely a story for the grandkids.
Woke up in a kilt. And it's not my kilt. Drinking was a success.
Was just told that I was slipped 2 hits of acid in my in flight drink before takeoff. 8 hours to Germany wish me luck
My roommate made me a peanut butter and sprinkles sandwich. Maybe tonight isn't that bad
Ugh. This is the type of hangover that all other hangovers want to grow up to be.
The dog just sneezed and it sounded like a person, after I said bless you I freaked the fuck out and got the gun
It's 3:30pm, I've been out of bed for an hour and spent most of that barfing. We're switching to beer next debate.
Is it frowned upon to bring a flask to the er?
I guess I can give it a shot. I usually just get belligerently drunk and go where my penis and feet lead me. No fights or getting too lost, so they seem to be doing a good job
How frowned upon is it to take your vibrator into the tanning bed...because Operation: dripping wet is in full swing and I have a busy schedule
I assume you passed out however I'm drinking jäger and beer in bed with my cat so your friendship world have been appreciated
Tonight I'm getting fucked up for America because Lord knows we need it.
Want ramen today?
I need a salad
SALAD DOESNT WARM YOUR HEART AND BELLY
How much beer/TP for a BJ? Trying to set my new rates.
Randomize
