obama could have borrowed sotomayor's dick when he threw out that that first pitch like a girl last night
this girl ate taco bell on my bed naked last night, it was the sexiest thing ive ever seen
You've picked up chicks by quoting metal bands
When they're drunk they believe it's Shakespeare...enjoy the simple things
Your remote is drenched in lotion and you expect me to believe you weren't masturbating?!
I guess I tried to spit on a homeless man on the walk home...Out. Of.Hand.
promise me that when we are 32, we will look nothing like Kim Zolciak. Promise me right this instant.
Vodka @ 9pm. Library. Nothing can go wrong, I promise.
I'm going to look like a jackass in the Mexican newspaper tomorrow.
You picked up her frozen vom puddle and threw it like a frisbee.
My dad got me a charm braclet....his way of trying to support my gayness....
You grinded on me in Jimmy johns to a madonna song.
You know it's bad when I can already feel tomorrow's hangover before even drinking today.
I'm almost positive that you shat in a birdhouse
I spent 10 minutes contemplating condensation on grapes this morning.
Just remembered when I first started going down on him he goes "ok now I feel a little better about the broncos losing"
Randomize
