She tried to have sex with him but he quote unquote respected her
If a man's penis is referred to as "the family jewels" does that make a woman's vagina a jewelry box?
Did I happen to mention where i left my keys when I drunk dialed you last night
You know you stopped at a liquor store to prepare for a 12-year-old's birthday party, right?
My professor just used the phrase "balls deep in your mind". My day is officially made.
I just got a nosebleed on a date at the cheesecake factory...
just run out of the bathroom with blood gushing down your face and scream "ITS IN THE CHEESECAKE!!!!!"
Some people say 6pm is too early to get drunk. To them I say this dinner is delicious.
Within the span of 10 minutes, I managed to make a slip 'n slide on his stomach, threatened to pee on him, kneed myself in the eye, and almost fell asleep on the toilet....in that order.
What I'm saying is DOWNGRADE. Like, do you see the caps lock?
I have nothing to say other than the obvious 'we probably shouldn't have done that' and the less obvious 'i think you bruised my labia major' ...?
Dude, we got to the strip club as they were closing, and you starting crying because, and I quote, "This is the closest to birthday sex I'm gonna get."
You ran out of his house yelling "I got the goods!" Then you pulled toilet paper rolls out from under your shirt.
Idk how much of a virgin he is but I'm tryna find out.
Turns out end of the world sex is H-O-T, HOoot! I'll be the only progressive lady smiling today
Just had a threesome for the second time in my life. I don;t even enjoy threesomes. Too much effort.
HOW DO THESE THINGS KEEP HAPPENING TO YOU?
Randomize
