She told me that she had to rub her face against me because she was part cat.
I love the moment a guy admits defeat against the front clasping bra.
i wish i could, but i promised myself i wouldn't sleep with anyone who couldn't grow a beard for a while. it's not you, it's crosby.
She was giving you that "I really want to blow you but I have to act professional" look. Guaranteed
She used to be a real nice person. Now she's just a dick sucking machine
we woke up to him feeding us cheetos at 3am. and by feeding i mean shoving them in our mouths and saying "i mean who doesn't like cheetos"
Also, I'd like to add that that I'm not quitting my job, my boss fed me shots at 11 am this morning.
using the campers leftover pizza money at the bar. Definition of great counselors right here.
I was going to make out with him...then he licked syrup off the kitchen floor.
Waking up to find your mom holding your birth control pills and telling you I suggest you take this
In other news it turns out I like Heineken.. In a desert island kind of way
SOME BITCH AT THE HOSTEL STOLE MY NUT BUTTER THERE WILL BE BLOOD
BOOOOOOOOOOOO *takes away your hoe card*
I woke up and there is a small Irish man playing call of duty in my room. Discuss.
The cop was standing next to me when I texted "haha" to your phone...didn't realize that he had taken it already...
Randomize
