I don't understand why we need a holiday to become more aware of boobs...
you threw up out the window, wiped your face with a twenty dollar bill, and threw that out the window too.
did we at least go back and get it?
how else do you think we got jack in the box...?
I'm driving to work with an ice pack on my vagina. how was your weekend?
dude i just figured out that the tostitos sign is two people eating chips and salsa. being high totally pays off sometimes
If your wondering where your blanket is, I put it on the 2 guys you brought home last night. Their still sleeping outside on the trampoline.
I just got a huge discount at GameStop for having tits. I win.
You know you're baked when you feel your throat closing up from an allergic reaction to the pecans in the cookie you're eating but you keep eating the damn cookie.
I'm pretty sure you and I ate the entire Keebler elf weed workshop
If they were bad they leave that night, if they were good they get a gold star, and if they were great they get invited back. Simple.
Dude mama brought home the bacon, i got his HBO account i guess that makes up for his by par skills in bed.
The worst thing about buying this extremely comfortable bed is that once I get a girl into it, all she wants to do is sleep. I want my fucking money back.
I hate to be the bearer of bad news, but yours is no longer the biggest penis I've seen. It is however, still the prettiest.
I just got home and spray-tanned my boyfriend. That's the side of relationships they don't tell you about...
I have hit the ultimate fuck buddy status. We pulled over in a construction zone to have a quickie.
I quit doing blow for him. If that doesn’t say “I’m in love with you and want to marry you” idk what does
Randomize