Saying she let herself go implies she was actually holding on
I feel fat after drinking my meal replacement shake.
I added chocolate sauce, a bsg of m&ms and a crushed up brownie to make it taste better.
i just threw up repeatedly on the entire entire walk down A1A to the pizza place....then on the way back slipped and fell in it
his status popped up and said 'probably going to jail.' it took everything i had not to press the like button
Maybe I need a light up heart over my vagina like Christina aguilera to get the point across
please dont pick me up from the airport dressed like a terrorist.
So I'm probably the first guy in history to tap out of a blowjob.
hes trying to draw the periodic table on his chest with a sharpie. i'm not sure how thats going to help him on his chem final, but he keeps shouting "this is how the pros do it"
Convinced lucas all the eggs in the fridge are fertilized and now he's crying.
That kid who fell through your coffee table is here. In a toga.
He came so hard he burst a blood vessel in his eye. Do I have to take him to the ER? because I'm too tired for this shit.
I almost took a picture but it looked like he might have a shank and I'm just not at a place in my life where I could handle having tetanus
He turned down head in favor of a handjob. Not sure if he's crazy or i have magic hands
I was going to say that I wasn't sure how that happened... but then I remembered that I bonded with the Australians over vitamins and INXS and they bought me tequila.
He wants to pour butter pecan flavored coffee creamer on me and lick it off. I'm like, dude, gross. French Vanilla ok? Ugh.
Randomize
