let's just say, the carpet matched the drapes. in colour and length.
I had a wet dream about my mom last night. words can't even begin to discribe how scarred I am. what. the. fuck.
then she said "on the count of three I think we should apologize to eachother"
I just delivered a ham and cheese to a strip club. you were right this job is not that bad
On a side note Tyler is buying beer from a gas station in a panda suit priceless
She looks like a beluga.
I want to splash her with water and when she screams say "I didn't want you to die. You looked parched"
You gave me a bottle of tequila and introduced me to a ginger named cowboy. I actually love you.
I spilled wine on my pillowcase and I figure it's basically my lifeblood so I'm just leaving it
Okay first of all, that is a sick ass nickname please call me that forever. Second, i need your help.
I have a hickey in my new work ID photo.....
Congrats! Its a fuck boy!
woke up this morning and she was gone. but she left a box of donuts on the counter with a note saying "for all the 'o's you gave me last night"
stupid neighbors doing stupid yard work with their stupid kids when i want to do drugs in the backyard
Such a shame we didn't work out. We would've been a power couple producing NFL linemen :/
When have you ever know me to go too far?
Besides the alcoholism, the HR issues, and getting fired from Best Buy for tackling a display?
Yeah. Besides those.
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