i'm going through the NYU 2014 group looking for future drunken hookups. too slutty?
Oscar is the man. He keeps getting pictures of hot nude women with messages in spanish saying "i hope you like it" sent to his phone
whose oscar?
the baller who i guess decided to give out a fake number at the bar last weekend. luckily that fake number was mine. i have enough porn to last me until next month.
Just tried on my bathing suit for the first time this year. Had to drink a beer to numb the pain.
I woke up and he had cut my bangs and put makeup on me.
I don't care how good they make you look, you've got to stop sleeping with gay guys.
Yep we found him face down in my sister's bathroom begging for blowjobs without mustard
Guy next to me is looking up how to press his own ecstasy pills. I'm going to befriend him and see where this goes
I JUST HAD PHONE SEX. WHILE TAKING A BATH. FOR AN HOUR. EATING A PLATE OF BURRITOS. TOP THAT SHIT.
As i was laying there shouting that he dislocated my hip he actually reached his armed around and patted himself on the back
My dog is now used to me drunk singing and sleeps through it. I don't know how I feel about this
If someone made a breakfast cereal that was a cross between lucky charms and fruity pebbles and called it unicorn power with a huge fucking rainbow and a unicorn standing in a pot of gold on the box, they would be rich. Not only monetarily but spiritually as well...
I touched the butt once. 'Twas an experience with the greatness of legend. So I touched it once more.
I'm sad about how hungover I'm gonna feel tomorrow.
As of right now, my vibrator and a bag of snickers share the same drawer
A drag queen just ate a dollar out of my ass. I don't know which one of us has hit rock bottom
There's a fuckload of syrup all over the floor.
Randomize
