You think if I promise to behave for the rest of my life, god will let me fuck her on the regular?
I'm pretty sure my roommate has taken plan B more times than i've had sex. Not sure how that makes me feel.
she left out the fact that she had a kid until she told me not to suck on her tits too hard or milk would come out.
Just once id like to sleep with a man who i havent thrown up on
I was unaware that a tutu and pasties was appropriate attire to this
who has that picture of us looking like alcoholics at the zoo?
Apparently as she was dragging me out of the club, I was clinching onto this european guy screaming at Jenna: that's the 12th time you've cockblocked me tonight
I just found out I lost my virginity the same day my parents did, 25 years later. This is my life.
Drunkasaurus has found a new cave to eat all the children she captured
I need to get you away from Bacardi 151 and out from under the bed
You kept showing the cop the bruises on the bottoms of your feet and claiming you were a medical mystery.
drunk freshman in the bathroom puking keeps saying "i'm a peasant" over and over
Let the vodka take you where it will. Like Pocahontas, but wasted
Hey your work video crashed my computer. The 8 pornos running in the other window didn't. Congratulations.
One good thing about being really drunk when you go out to dinner is that the leftovers are a surprise. These quesadillas had shrimp in them! Who knew?
I mean. I'm excited for the Seahawks too. I just love nachos.
Randomize
